Earthquake explanation.

From: Strata Rose Chalup (
Date: Wed Feb 28 2001 - 15:24:16 PST

Got this a few minutes ago, w/o attribution. I suspect it's older,
but has been exhumed and revised for topicality.

                   Microsoft Test Nuclear Device
 REDMOND (BNN)--World leaders reacted with stunned silence as
 Microsoft Corp. (MSFT) conducted an underground nuclear test at a
 secret facility in Washington state. The device, exploded at
 10:55 am PDT (1:55 pm EDT) today, was timed to coincide with
 talks between Microsoft and the US Department of Justice over
 possible antitrust action.
 "Microsoft is going to defend its right to market its products by
 any and all necessary means," said Microsoft CEO Bill Gates. "Not
 that I'm anti-government" he continued, "but there would be few tears
 shed in the computer industry if Washington were engulfed in a bath
 of nuclear fire."
 Scientists pegged the explosion at around 100 kilotons. "I nearly
 dropped my latte when I saw the seismometer" explained University of
 Washington geophysicist Dr. Whoops Blammover, "At first I thought it
 was Mt. Rainier, and I was thinking, damn, there goes the mountain
 bike vacation."
 In Washington, President Bush announced the US Government would
 boycott all Microsoft products indefinitely. Minutes later, the
 President reversed his decision. "We've tried sanctions since
 lunchtime, and they don't work," said the President. Instead, the
 administration will initiate a policy of "constructive engagement"
 with Microsoft.
 Microsoft's Chief Technology Officer Nathan Myrhvold said the test
 justified Microsoft's recent acquisition of the Hanford Nuclear
 Reservation from the US Government. Not only did Microsoft acquire
 "kilograms of weapons grade plutonium" in the deal, said Myrhvold,
 "but we've finally found a place to dump those millions of unsold
 copies of Microsoft Bob."
 Myrhvold warned users not to replace Microsoft NT products with rival
 operating systems. "I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a
 radioisotope thermoelectric generator inside of every Pentium III
 microprocessor," said Myrhvold, "but anyone who installs an OS
 written by a bunch of long-hairs on the Internet is going to get what
 they deserve."
 The existence of an RTG in each Pentium III microprocessor would
 explain why the microprocessors, made by the Intel Corporation, run
 so hot. The Intel chips "put out more heat than they draw in
 electrical power" said Prof. E. E. Thymes of MIT. "This should
 finally dispell those stories about cold fusion."
 Rumors suggest a second weapons development project is underway in
 California, headed by Microsoft rival Sun Microsystems. "They're
 doing all of the development work in Java," said one source close to
 the project. The development of a delivery system is said to be
 holding up progress. "Write once, bomb anywhere is still a dream at
 the moment."
 Meanwhile, in Cupertino, California, Apple interim-CEO Steve Jobs was
 rumored to be in discussion with Oracle CEO Larry Ellison about
 deploying Apple's Newton technology against Microsoft. "Newton was
 the biggest bomb the Valley has developed in years," said one
 hardware engineer. "I'd hate to be around when they drop that product
 a second time."

Strata Rose Chalup [KF6NBZ]                      strata "@"
VirtualNet Consulting                  
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