Re: Divorce: shared custody should be mandatory

Date: Thu Mar 01 2001 - 04:38:34 PST

In a message dated 2/23/01 2:53:59 PM Eastern Standard Time,

<< wrote:
> In a message dated 2/23/01 1:00:32 AM Eastern Standard Time,
> writes:
> << You seem to be indicating that being a stepdad to children that are in
> joint custody would be much worse than the current sole/visitation
> standard. I don't see it. >>
> it's exactly like this: if i were to say that 65% of marriages end in
> divorce - a recent statistic - would you assume i was indicating no one
> should get married?
 100% of lives end in death. Big deal. The concept that marriage should
 last until one of you dies isn't necessarily that logical. It
 definitely made sense when the average lifespan was 25 or 35 years; it's
 less supportable now. It's not a bad ideal of course. The fact that
 many divorce is directly related to how they view life, compatibility,
 growth or the lack thereof, and all kinds of relationship messiness that
 is unpredictable at best.
 It's much more important to be happy, healthy, productive, and cared for
 than to achieve some pristine life record of a single lifetime
 marriage. You certainly don't want to be alone too much, especially as
 you get older.
 Now why did you bring up that point anyway? I was contrasting two
 post-divorce situations that are directly related to my proposition.
 You seem to like that status quo more than my proposition that more
 joint custody would be better. I simply want clarification of your
 position so I can understand it.
 sdw >>

sorry - didn't find this until just now (i have over 700 messages i haven't
had time to delete). (don't lecture, You Know Who)

it's a natural tendency to draw conclusions from stats, or to draw
conclusions about the person stating them, but do try to refrain for the time
being. all i said was that step-parenting is fraught with problems. that
doesn't mean no one should do it. it means the jury is out on whether it's
better for the children one way or the other re remarriage.

another stat might be that single women living along live longer. does that
mean i endorse living alone? nopers.

it's just too complex an issue. parental happiness has to figure in there

(i'll devote more time to this later)


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