Perpetual Motion ?

From: peterjkilby (
Date: Fri Apr 27 2001 - 13:16:40 PDT

Thieved from one of the UK bulletin boards


 Ive been getting a bit bored with the inactivity of the BB and the
seriousness with which the finance and techie boys approach the BB.

So I've done some thinking this afternoon and this is the

Subject: Perpetual Motion

"When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is

dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of

toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is

then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning

inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they

could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system."

... However there are some potential refinements to the system....

I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the

buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered
down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with

Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast and
the cats. Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects of
and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity

       Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following

       p = s * t(t)/tc

where p is the probability of carpet impact s is the "stain" value of
toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the
topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for

example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero.
and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p

being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the

carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a
and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour.

So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if
use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination

gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat

landing on its feet.

Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain
hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as

the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash
in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident

victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened
if their
party was in power as there would have been more investment in
glue research.

Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also
sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced
by a
monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating
a rail made from white shag pile carpet.

By the way, it was a good day in the market too:o)


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