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Mon, 11 Aug 1997 16:32:21 -0700


The Top 15 Signs That Microsoft Owns Part of Apple

15> Apple's stock fell only 25% last week.

14> Bill Gates's birthday now a paid holiday for Apple employees.

13> Default Mac startup sound changed to "Taps."

12> Wall Street brokers have stopped using Apple stock certificates
as toilet paper.

11> Apple's new slogan: "Almost as good as Windows!"

10> Apple has been bent over with its pants dropped for so long
now, even a geek like Bill Gates was bound to get lucky.

9> Cute rainbow-colored apple now inhabited by cute
rainbow-colored worm.

8> Microsoft comes out with an operating system incorporating Mac
technology... uh, wait a minute...

7> Phone and utilities mysteriously start working again at Apple's
corporate HQ.

6> Steve Jobs seen tending bar at the Gates' private lawn party.

5> Diners in Microsoft's staff cafeteria can now enjoy their apple
pie purely for its wholesome goodness and no longer as a
symbolic act of global domination.

4> Unsold Newtons used as cobblestones in Gates's driveway.

3> Apple Employee of the Month gets to hunt loose change at
Bill's house.

2> New Apple employee dress code includes large "Property of
B. Gates" tattoo on ass.

and the Number 1 Sign That Microsoft Owns Part of Apple...

1> Bill Gates still burned in effigy, but upper management no
longer attends.

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