Re: [Finding] the woman I want???

CobraBoy! (
Wed, 13 Aug 1997 12:34:01 -0700

At 12:24 PM -0700 8/13/97, Ernest Prabhakar wrote:

<excerpt>Wow, I think we're converging on a consensus!

Adam writes:

> They may be experiences, but they aren't important. You're probably

> the kind of person who, when he plays chess, tries to capture as

> pieces as possible instead of remembering the Prime Directive: to

> checkmate the king.

Actually, I do have that problem.

Adam writes:

> We don't have to experience EVERYTHING in this life. There's not

> enough time, and frankly, not everything is worth experiencing.

Tim writes:

>agreed. but without a base of experience you don't really know what it

>you want.

Adam writes:

> That's why you have a brain: to filter out the stuff in life that

> is unimportant. And believe me, pursuing lots of relationships,

> in the grand scheme of things, is vastly inferior in import and

> quality, than pursuing that one, single, meaningful relationship.

Tim writes:

> again, how do you find that one, single, meaningful person if your
not out

> looking?

So, we reach an important distinction. The *goal* is to find THE ONE
(or True Love, depending on the sitcom being invoked). The question
becomes what *means* are best for finding that.

Tim appears to be advocating throwing oneself fully into multiple
relationships until THE ONE appears Adam seems to be pushing for a
minimalist interactions with others in case THE ONE shows up. Both
those sentences are probably highly oversimplified, but are at least
interesting strawmen.

</excerpt>I would invert the question. I would claim that the Goal is
to learn to love unconditionally (in my ontology, 'to love as God
loves.') The highest human expression of that is (ideally) in the
context of the family, and the challenge of marriage is finding someone
with whom one can pursue and experience that sort of love as the
foundation for a family. Thus, romantic love/marriage is only a means
to that higher end.

I would agree. Now I know this might sound totally strange, but I am
constantly influenced by my dogs. They are the purest examples of pure
love that I have ever experienced. They really don't care where they
are or what is going on as long as were together. Of course they're
herding animals and they have a very storong "pack" mentality.

The point of this is when I think of all the little squabbles in
relationships, and how for the most part they are ego, and dented ego
driven, then I look at dogs, I realize that man has a long way to go on
the way to enlightenment.



... at least you can drive something fast, arm your-

self with powerful tools, and look good doing it.

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