As you can imagine, many of you have expressed your displeasure with
decision regarding the sabbatical program. All I can say is, "You
seen nothin' yet." You've all become lazy, and only contribute to
Apple's current situation. The only way to save this company is to
out the loyal employees who have not yet realized their inadequacy.
We are following up with additional steps which will take Apple back to
its roots as a more entrepreneurial company. They are:
In lieu of laying people off, we are redeploying unneeded workers as
janitorial staff. Salaries will be adjusted accordingly.
2. Sick Time
It will not longer be possible to call in sick. Any employee who
make it into work due to illness will need take a vacation day or go
3. Weekly Hours
Pay checks will now be issued monthly for four 30-hour work weeks.
However, each employee is required to work diligently on Apple business
for at least 60 hours each week. Not meeting this requirement is a
A daily fee will be charged for parking your car in any Apple lot or
garage. Parking garages will cost $5 per day, and parking lots will
$3.50 per day.
Only I will be allowed to park in handicapped spaces. Any other vehicle
found parked in an Apple handicapped parking space will be towed.
who are physically disabled will receive a $5 reimbursement for towing
expenses upon convincing the Executive Team that they are actually
Thank you for your support.
Steve and the Executive Team
Date: 08/14 3:43 AM
Received: 08/14 10:29 AM
From: Steve Jobs, email@example.com
While we all enjoy a good joke, the email sent to every Apple employee
titled "An Even More Entrepreneurial Apple" was not sent by me. And it
was not very funny.
Fraudulently using someone else's name is not a joke, and any employee
found doing so will be immediately terminated.
... at least you can drive something fast, arm your-
self with powerful tools, and look good doing it.
- Preview Release of the Be Operating System
<> firstname.lastname@example.org <>