1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors,
not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. As an extra
security measure, there will be motion and heat detectors every 12
3. My noble half-brother, whose throne I usurped, will be killed, not
kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Any form of death will _not_ be too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the
Mountain of Despair, beyond the River of Fire, guarded by the Dragons
Eternity. It will be in my pocket.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
I'll just kill them.
7. When a rebel leader challenges me to a one-on-one battle, and asks,
"Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?", my reply will
"No, just sensible."
8. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Before you pull the
trigger, can you tell me your secret plan?", I'll laser his ass, and
9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be immediately
in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks time
during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism in my mother ship.
11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the cute and cuddly
infant who is destined to overthrow me. I'll vaporize the brat myself.
12. I will not interrogate my enemies within the walls of my secret
sanctum sanctorum. Any small space station well outside my borders will
work just as well.
13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will have no need
prove my superiority by dropping clues in the form of riddles, leaving
weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat, or having the
shackled-and-gagged rebel leader dragged behind me to witness the
destruction of his home world.
14. I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an
I'm not accountable to anyone, and my enemies wouldn't believe it,
15. I will make it clear that I _do_ know the meaning of the word
"mercy", and simply choose not show any.
16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any
in my plans that he is able to spot will be corrected before
17. All slain enemies will be vaporized, not left for dead at the
of a cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any
celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as
members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military
boots or adhere to any other dress codes.
19. Rebel leaders will not be entitled to a last kiss, a last
or any other form of last request.
20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If,
such a device is unavoidable, I will set it to blow when the counter
21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad
scientist to assist me, I will insure he is sufficiently twisted as to
never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's done.
22. I will never utter the sentence: "But before I kill you, there's
one thing I want you to know."
23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to
24. I will periodically wipe out all members of my inner circle.
Rohit Khare /// MCI Internet Architecture (BOS) /// email@example.com
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