dubby dubby dubby dot doodah dot dang

I'm not a real doofus, but I play one at a national laboratory. (BAISLEY@fndcd.fnal.gov)
Tue, 2 Sep 1997 12:45:36 -0500

Them whacky Clearly Canadians have gone berserk. A friend of mine brought me a
bottle of "orbitz", sort of a potable lava lamp. Looks like salmon eggs
floating in water. Quite clever the way they got the dispersion and buoyancy
just right. I haven't tasted the stuff, because I hate to ruin the visual
effect. So, I don't know if it's the taste sensation of the millenium (this
one's VaniLla-oRanGe), or just dreamsicle-flavored water with slime balls.

So, take a quick hop to the website printed on the edge of the twist-off cap:


> Set gravity aside and prepare to embark on a tour into the bowels of the
> Orbiterium, where anything that matters is random and ultimately
> unintelligible.

Sounds like an Orbital CD.

> This place has many bells and whistles, but if you are
> unconcerned with such things, then use NETSCAPE as your browser and follow
> the *FoRK*. If you would like to romp happily in bells and whistles, then we
> suggest you use INTERNET EXPLORER 3.01 as your browser, and follow the
> screwdriver.

Well, this looks promising. Netscape=FoRKed, Explorer=Screwed. Since I have
no intention of trying to make I.E. run on my Alpha, I'll have to take the
FoRK-fork, and miss out on all the lovely ActiveVirus-qua-bell&whistle junk.

Alas, the site is a bizarre wasteland. Almost as bad as something I would come
up with. A bunch of stream-of-consciousness blather. "Colander of Events" was
a mildly amusing bit-twiddle, but the rest is fairly boring. And not a single
picture of the product anywhere. Well, there are a few well-hidden ones, but
nothing eye-catching like an animation of the globules floating in the bottle.

They at least had a page of negative mail, including one from "Fawn":


> dear orbitz people,
> my dearest mother recently purchased one [1]
> bottle of your product.my friend Fawn and i
> [Andrea] nearly died. it seems to us that your
> product is derived directly from poo.And I Fawn
> think that whoever drinks this beverage is being
> subected to cruel and unusual punishment. Your
> product sucks and thousands of people
> will probably do as we did and spit it in the
> sink! this is andrea again. your drink makes me go
> all pookity inside. it could be said that your
> product could only defy gravity as it was flying
> out of my mouth. I fawn agree.
> Fawn & Andrea

Not our Fawn, who lacks the 3 mothers required to make one of them dearest.


"Oh -- Canada. That explains why it SUCKED!!" -Crow, MST3K

{Sorry, folks, I just couldn't find a better line! Although, "Here, drink
this. It'll make you feel American." came close.}