For those of you with long-term memory problems (or for those who
are suffering from data overload and can't recall what you did
yesterday let alone what happened three weeks ago on FoRK)
my original query:
W>On Mon, 10 Aug 1998, "W" == WILKINS@hws.edu wrote:
W> My question is this: Is withdrawal equally unsatisfying for men?
W> Do men not need to feel "connected" when they climax in order to
W> feel satisfied?
W> It is well-known that men are much more visual than women when
W> it comes to sex (hence the proliferation of girlie magazines and such),
W> but is there a deeper difference that allows a man to feel sexually
W> satisfied even if he is not physically connected to his lover at the
W> crucial moment? Any thoughts or comments on this will be
In the "It just doesn't Matter" category we have the
following 4 responses:
1>I wasn't terribly thrilled, but it's fine by me.
1>Release is release, you know.
2>In high school it was the only way that I had sex and I
2>liked it as much as any other kind of sex. Maybe even
2>better because it felt natural. I use condoms now
2>and I think withdrawal is better for the sensations it provides
2>just before the withdrawing happens. I hate condoms, but I
2>the idea of catching a sex disease even more.
3>When a man is about to reach the magic moment it doesn't
3>matter if he is in or out. I am shocked to learn that it
3>mattered to your friends. I haven't used the withdrawal
3>methd in a few years, but I don't think it ever occurred to me
3>that the my partner wasn't satisfied. Most of my partners
3>would orgasm before I withdrew so it must have been good for
3>both of us.
4>Jay is right. Once a man cums, he's satisfied and thats
4>that. Withdrawal isn't perfect and has its drawbacks, but
4>the end result is the same sensation.
The following response is perhaps one of the more reflective
and it definitely makes the greatest use of euphimisms and
>While my experience with withdrawal is (thankfully) very limited,
>I found it to be less satisfying to leave early then to never
>have been there at all (so to speak). Part of this was the need
>to mentally step back from what was going on in order to be able
>to stop, and part of it was that she was distracted too.
>Finally, part of it is the need to switch gears in the middle of
>the stream (to mangle a metaphor). I like to be able to finish
>what I start; swapping manual (or oral) stimulation and never
>progressing to intercourse is preferable to withdrawal for me,
>I find that the whole point is to have that feeling of being
>connected - mentally - through the shared experience. Visual
>stimulation is only the starting point, and not the only one.
>I know women that would generally be considered plain-looking that
>I am very attracted to. I know beautiful women that leave me cold.
>I firmly belive that all really good sex starts in the brain.
>I read "Our Bodies, Ourselves" when I was in college, and really
>learned a lot. It's nice to see the BWHBC is still revising
>it - the 90's are very different than the 70's.
>>Sounds to me like a pretty miserable way to have sex, with both
>>partners being tense,both afraid to orgasm and the woman feeling
>>Where's the fun in that?
>None that I can see....
>These bits are yours - FoRK 'em, trash 'em, keep 'em - whatever
I obviously chose to FoRK them as they are very good bits.
In the "Sitting on the Fence" category, we have this response:
>This is *definitely* a private response...
>Withdrawal isn't as good as, well, non-withdrawal... It can
>have a nice visual component, and the sensation is more or
>less the same, but the connectedness does add something to
While in the "I'd Rather be Celibate" category, we have
1>My viewpoint: Ick ick ick ick ick. Certainly triggers the
1>"we shouldn't be doing this" guilt reflex. Also totally
1>trashes the whole "we are making love" thing, turning it
1>into "I'm jacking off on top of you". Yuck yuck
1>yuck. Bleach. Ick.
2>I'd rather jerk off with some porn than run the risk
2>of having unprotected sex and that's what withdrawal
2>amounts to. Withdrawal is for unprepared teenagers and
2>stupid people who think they won't catch diseases or
2>get pregnant. Hustler and my hand are a great alternative
2>to stupid sex.
And of course, we musn't leave Jay Thomas's responses to this
question out of the summary:
Jay bravely FoRKed his response for all of posterity (while
the rest of you get to remain anonymous).
Thanks to all of you who took the time to answer this question.
It made for some interesting reading while I worked the
reference desk ;-) I have now deleted these responses from
my In-Box so that nothing remains of the responses except
for what is in this post.
Oh, and a belated Thanks to all of you who responded to my
question about Customized Colour Schemes. I wimped out and
did not go in and mess with Systems Registry. I trained a
student worker how to do the customization and had them
spend the three hours that it took to customize all the
machines one at a time.
"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer,
sex raises some pretty good questions."
-- Woody Allen
"Sex is God's joke on human beings."
-- Bette Davis
"Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease."
-- Colin Greene