From: Jeff Bone (email@example.com)
Date: Fri Feb 09 2001 - 23:44:11 PST
> waitaminute - FED? i knew it - it's all part of a master fed plot to put
> hillbillies in office.
Okay, now you guys are REALLY smoking crack. Have any of you Texas
stereotype-infected folks ever actually BEEN to Texas? The Ozarks don't extend
into Texas. Neither the Appalachians. Closest we've got to "hillbillies" is
the trailerpark Texas Cajuns, and they're the "urbanized" cousins of them good
ole Louisiana Swamp Rats. :-) Most of the state is flat as a pancake. In
fact, West Texas (where I grew up) is the *flattest place on the surface of the
planet.* Austin is in the "Hill Country," but hardly hillbillies here --- it's
the Berkeley of Texas, more Birkenstock-wearing Green Party-voting macrobiotic
treefuckers here than any place I've ever lived, CaSouBay included. (Never
lived in Berkeley, can't speak to that.)
George may be a hick, and is certainly a good ole boy, but he ain't no
Getcher terminology straight, Geege. All of the following denote *very
* Swamp Rats
* Good Ole Boys
* Trailer Trash
Oh, but wait, Jeb's in Florida. Still, a pretty flat place overall. Lots of
swamp rats and mullets, prolly no hillbillies there, either.
> the clampets discovered crude, the bushes exemplify it.
> the bushes are into into black gold (texas tea), big time.
> the matriarchs, granny and barbara, though morphically dissimilar are both
> caloric of temperment.
> jethro was one lucky bastard, w is olb. both have megarich father figures
> who greased their careers.
> jethro had wild career swings; w went from managing a baseball team to
> texas borders oklahoma.
> i just know w secretly refers to his swimming pool as the cement pond.
> the clampets drove a jalopy; the bushes drive a chevy suburban. both are
> suck vehicles.
> jethro had fantasies of being a secret agent. w has secret service agents.
> jethro had an honorary degree; w "gradiated" from yale.
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