Crapplets and CGI Joes and Cobweb pages, oh my.

I Find Karma (
Fri, 8 Nov 96 14:35:44 PST

<forwards gone 404, except the original author who I think is:>
> From: Davi Grossman <>

Some recent jargon:

A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted
30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"

A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and
charisma of a plastic action figure.

World Wide Wait
The real meaning of WWW.

Cobweb Site
A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time.
A dead web page.

Stockless Marketing
Coming up with inane slogans based on the work and/or fun one can get
accomplished thanks to Websurfing (for example, "Where do you want to
go, toadie?")

The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the rack
and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve.

Alpha Geek
The most knowledgable, technically proficient person in an office
or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."

Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web message
"404, URL Not Found," meaning that the document you've tried
to access can't be located. "Don't bother asking him...he's 404,

A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is
great. He's totally plug-and-play."

Dorito Syndrome
Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive
substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours
surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito

Under Mouse Arrest
Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct.
"Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse

Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular
pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he
notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?"

Dead Tree Edition
The paper version of a publication available in both paper and
electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San
Francisco Chronicle..."

Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers
looking for the mention of your name.

Graybar Land
The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's
processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar
creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed
like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering."

Open-Collar Workers
People who work at home or telecommute.

Link Rot
The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as
the sites they're connected to change location or die.

To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the
experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character.
"I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for
the fourth time this week."

Chip Jewelry
A euphamism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned
into decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE,
and now it's nothing but chip jewelry."

It's a Feature
From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used sarcastically
to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.

Keyboard Plaque
The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer
keyboards.. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has
a bad case of keyboard plaque."

Career-Limiting Move (CLM)
Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity.
Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Elvis Year
The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the dinosaur's
Elvis year was 1993."

Squirt The Bird
To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are
ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"

Brain Fart
A biproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly.
A burst of useful information. "I know you're busy on the
Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik
bust?" Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative

People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from
their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the
rest were tourists."

Blowing Your Buffer
Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are
speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just
said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. "Damn,
I just blew my buffer!"

Gray Matter
Older, experienced business people hired by young entrpreneurial
firms looking to appear more reputable and established.

To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor
borrowed from web browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing
his cool demo at Siggraph."

Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.

The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go
off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical
spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in

Salmon Day
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream
only to get screwed in the end.

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