Fw: I'm dreaming of a 32-bit Christmas

Rohit Khare (khare@w3.org)
Wed, 27 Nov 1996 13:13:50 -0500

>The Bill Gates Song
>(to the tune of "The Christmas Song")
>Netscape roasting on an open fire,
>Apple begging on its knees,
>Photo popping up on Time magazine,
>Yes, Bill Gates dreams of days like these!
>Everybody knows he's never fully satisfied,
>Throws himself behind each task,
>World dominion is his company's goal.
>Well, hey, is that so much to ask?
>He knows the world is in his sway,
>We'll buy whatever software he might toss our way,
>We'll surf his Internet, watch his TV,
>He'll take us anywhere we ask him--for a fee.
>And so we're offering this simple prayer,
>To Bill and all his MS grunts:
>Since we all follow any standard you write,
>Make it good, please,
>Make it good, please,
>Make it good, please, just once!
>Gil Amelio's Coming to Town!
>(to the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town")
>You better watch out,
>Absurd as it sounds,
>'Cause Apple's about
>To lose a few pounds--
>Gil Amelio's coming to town!
>He's making a list,
>And trimming the rolls
>Of projects that missed
>Their revenue goals--
>Gil Amelio's coming to town!
>He knows what's losing money,
>Like eWorld, PowerTalk . . .
>You'd better make your project work
>Or prepare to take a walk!
>Though you follow his lead
>Right out the back door,
>You know he'll succeed--
>He's done it before!
>Gil Amelio's coming to town!
>(to the tune of "Jingle Bells")
>Nine-tenths of a gig,
>Biggest ever seen,
>God, this program's big--
>MS Word 15!
>Comes on ten CDs,
>And requires--damn!
>Word is fine, but jeez--
>60 megs of RAM?!
>Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,
>Bloatware all the way!
>I've sat here installing Word
>Since breakfast yesterday!
>Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,
>Moderation, please.
>Guess you hadn't noticed:
>Four-gig drives don't grow on trees!
>I'm Dreaming of a Clean System
>(to the tune of "White Christmas")
>I'm dreaming of a clean System,
>Something that fits on one CD.
>Each component matches,
>Not bits and patches,
>Unlike 7-5-point-3.
>I'm longing for a dream System,
>Small, stable, fast, and trouble-free.
>What we want, I think you'll agree,
>Is called System 6-point-oh-3!
>Violent Night
>(to the tune of "Silent Night")
>Silent Mac, broken Mac!
>System bombed, screen went black.
>Books suggested things; I tried 'em all:
>Shift key, desktop file, clean reinstall.
>Now my deadline is tight,
>This Mac's been silent all night.
>Violent night, horrible night!
>Lost my cool, filled with spite,
>Threw my Mac through the balcony door
>Watched it fall from the 20th floor,
>Now I'm sleeping in peace;
>Thank God I had it on lease.
>Prove It's So!
>(to the tune of "Let It Snow")
>Oh, the papers say Apple's dying,
>But before we start good-byeing,
>We should call them all up and go,
>"Prove it's so! Prove it's so! Prove it's so!"
>They say "Mac OS software's scarcer."
>We say, "Read those numbers, there, sir,
>Sales continued this year to grow.
>There ya go, there ya go, there ya go!"
>When they tell us Win 95
>Made the Mac's famed advantages ebb,
>We'll say, "Why, then, do Macs now drive
>60 percent of the Web?"
>We can win our PR reversal--
>Make the Mac be universal--
>Though we may have some years to go,
>Make it so, make it so, make it so!
>Happily Addicted to the Web
>(to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")
>Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
>From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
>I'm happy--although
>My boss let me go--
>Happily addicted to the Web.
>All night long, I sit clicking,
>Unaware time is ticking,
>There's beard on my cheek,
>Same clothes for a week,
>Happily addicted to the Web.
>Friends come by; they shake me,
>Saying, "Yo, man!
>Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
>With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man;
>I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"
>I don't phone, don't send faxes,
>Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
>Who cares if someday
>They drag me away?
>I'm happily addicted to the Web!