Re: Clinton

CobraBoy (
Mon, 9 Feb 1998 11:19:21 -0800

At 10:07 AM -0800 2/9/98, "I'm not a real doofus, but I play one at a
national laborator wrote:

> > *** Poll puts Clinton approval rating at 79%
> Impressive, to be sure. But he's really gonna hafta get humpin' if he wants
> to reach 97% by the time his term expires.

If he get's lucky and pops a cruise down Saddam's chimney he'll get close
to it.

Hillary in 2k


P.S. If you haven't gotten this already...

Subject: A Scandal of Biblical Proportions

Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had
had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal was begun when
a 21-year-old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given
birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of
Bethlehem. Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for
a long time", that she was constantly talking about her
relationship with God, and that she was "thrilled to have had his

In a press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial,
saying that "No sexual relationship existed", and that "the facts of
this story will come out in time, verily". Independent counsel
Kenneth Beelzebub immediately filed a brief with the Justice
department to expand his investigation to cover questions of
whether any commandments may have been broken, and whether God had
illegally funneled laundered money to his illegitimate child
through three foreign operatives know only as the "Wise Men".
Beelzebub has issued subpoenas to several angels who are rumored to
have acted as go-betweens in the affair.

Critics have pointed out that these allegations have little to do with
the charges that Beelzebub was originally appointed to investigate,
that God had created large-scale flooding in order to cover up
evidence of a failed land deal.

In recent months, Beelzebub's investigation has already been expanded
to cover questions surrounding the large number of locusts that
plagued God's political opponents in the last election, as well as to
claims that the destruction of the cities of Sodom and Gommorah was to
divert attention away from a scandal involving whether the giveaway of
a parcel of public land in Promised County to a Jewish special
interest group was quid pro quo for political contributions.

If these allegations prove to be true, then this could be a huge blow
to God's career, much of which has been spent crusading for stricter
moral standards and harsher punishments for wrongdoers. Indeed,
God recently outlined a "tough-on-crime" plan consisting of a
series of 10 "Commandments", which has been introduced in Congress
in a bill by Rep. Moses. Critics of the bill have pointed out that
it lacks any provisions for the rehabilitation of criminals, and
lawyers for the ACLU are planning to fight the "Name in Vain"
Commandment as being an unconstitutional restriction on free


Ignore that man behind the curtain . . .

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