Henny Youngman dies; Tommy Lee beats on Pammy.

I Find Karma (adam@cs.caltech.edu)
Wed, 25 Feb 1998 07:36:25 -0800

Sucks that I had to go all the way to FoxNews for the Pammy Lee scoop.
Reuters, Nando, AP, CNN all failed me. Even the New York Times and
Drudge Report failed me. Forward past the Henny Youngman bits to get to
Pammy Lee.

Why will I miss Henny Youngman? Inspiration for my MsgList file:


Bye, Henny, we'll miss you...


Henny Youngman, king of the one-liners, dead at 91
February 24, 1998 Web posted at: 11:46 p.m. EST (0446 GMT)

NEW YORK (AP) -- Henny Youngman, the Borscht Belt comic dubbed the king
of one-liners for cracks like the immortal "Take my wife -- please,"
died Tuesday. He was 91.

Youngman died of complications from the flu at Mount Sinai Hospital in
Manhattan, said Jackie Green, a friend and Friars Club Dean Emeritus.

Youngman became the quintessential Catskills comedian, developing a
shtick unvaried through seven decades in show business: snappy
one-liners and rapid-fire jokes as likely to bring a groan as a guffaw
from his audience.

But his act played. Youngman appeared in countless clubs from the
Catskills to the Palladium in London, from Atlantic City to Las Vegas
and most points in between while working more than 200 shows per year
into his 70s.

We find at


10 typical Henny Youngman jokes:
February 24, 1998 Web posted at: 11:46 p.m. EST (0446 GMT)

1. "A guy comes up to me and says, 'I haven't eaten in two days.' I
told him, 'Force yourself.'"

2. "I didn't sleep well last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my
mother, and I was a bottle baby."

3. "A guy calls his lawyer. He says, 'Can I ask you two questions?'
Lawyer says, 'What's the second one?'"

4. "This guy asked his doctor, 'Will I be able to play the piano after
my operation?' And the doctor says 'Sure.' And the guy says, 'Funny, I
couldn't do it before.'"

5. "I just came from a pleasure trip took my mother-in-law to the

6. "Two guys in a gym, one putting on a girdle. One guys says, 'Since
when have you been wearing a girdle?' Other guy says, 'Since my wife
found it in the glove compartment of our car.'"

7. "My doctor told me I was fat. I said I wanted a second opinion. He
said, 'OK, you're ugly, too.'"

8. "I live about four muggings from Central Park."

9. "I flew on an airplane, the food was fit for a king. Here, King!"

10. "Take my wife, please."

Finally, let's move on to the scoop: Tommy beating Pammy. Gosh, Tim,
WHY??????? The guy's rich, famous, got a gorgeous wife and kids... why
the heck would he beat his wife??? I just don't GET it...


Motley Crue drummer jailed after wife accuses him of spousal assault
9.49 a.m. ET (1449 GMT) February 25, 1998

MALIBU, Calif. (AP) - Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee was arrested on a
charge of assaulting his wife, Pamela Anderson Lee, who complained of a
back injury and a broken nail.

Lee, 35, was ordered held in lieu of $1 million bail, twice the normal
amount for a charge of spousal assault, because he was already on
probation for a battery charge, said sheriff's Deputy Angie Prewett. Lee
pleaded no contest in January to beating a photographer who videotaped
him and his wife as they left a nightclub.

Ms. Lee called authorities Tuesday night and said her husband had
attacked her at their Malibu home. She told deputies the two had argued,
but details of the argument were unknown, Ms. Prewett said.

She suffered a broken nail with bleeding, but declined medical
treatment, Ms. Prewett said.

"She had a very minor hand injury and some redness on her back,''
Ms. Prewett said.

Lee was arrested without difficulty, she said.

Ms. Lee gave birth to the couple's second son in December.

Earlier this week, a judge refused to hold an Internet provider in
contempt for posting messages about a sexually explicit videotape of
Ms. Lee and a former boyfriend, Poison lead singer Bret Michaels. A
similar videotape of Ms. Lee and her husband was the subject of an
earlier court battle.

Lee pleaded innocent earlier this month in Phoenix to misdemeanor
assault for allegedly attacking a security guard at a concert.


What I'm trying to communicate is that I'm willing to do nudity at no
extra charge.
-- Newsradio