The Road to Hell - A Guide to Political Correctness.

I Find Karma (
Wed, 25 Feb 1998 09:40:18 -0800

Interesting little article in the Australian Journal of Comedy on how to
be politically correct called "The Road to Hell":

I liked the 66 political correctness tenets, included below.

> Here are some of the major tenets:
> 1. All women are non-violent and caring individuals who are anti-war
> and pro-environment. They are also practical, problem-solving people,
> supportive of each other and never competitive.
> 2. Men are dominated purely by competition with other males and
> primitive macho posturing and ego-boosting.
> 3. Men are all basically patriarchal and at the same time, deep down,
> little boys who want their mummy.
> 4. A woman who works hard is a shining example to other women.
> 5. A man who works hard is motivated purely by competition with other
> men.
> 6. A man who buys an overpriced car is insecure about the size of his
> penis.
> 7. A woman who buys overpriced shoes has high self esteem.
> 8. On the subject of penises, Men are obsessed with the size of their
> penises which in fact makes no difference at all.
> 9. At the same time, there's nothing more pathetic than a man with a
> small penis and women are perfectly entitled to mock such a person.
> 10. Women are victims.
> 11. Women are NOT victims.
> 12. There is no pain greater than childbirth. SPECIAL NOTE. Do not in
> any event make mention of men suffering maiming, disembowelling or
> napalm burns in war.
> Now we come to HISTORY. History is integrally related to gender issues
> because it is a tenet of current Political Correctness that the
> history of the world has been created by men, and thus everything that
> has ever happened has happened because of the problems with men. The
> basic precepts are:
> 13. History has been written by men.
> 14. War was created by men because they are inherently violent and
> want to boost their own egos.
> 15. Capitalism was created by men because they are inherently
> competitive and want to boost etc etc.
> 16. Western society is based mainly on war and capitalism.
> 17. Science is a patriarchal system of thought control created by men
> as a means to enhance their militaristic and capitalistic enterprises.
> 18. If women had invented science, science would be more holistic.
> 19. If women has controlled society the world would be different.
> 20. History has been dominated by two forces. The oppression of women
> and the oppression of the working class.
> 21. By contrast with the military, capitalistic, patriarchal
> industrialised society, indigenous people are basically peaceful and
> live in harmony with the earth.
> 22. No indigenous people ever cut down forest or hunted anything to
> extinction.
> SPECIAL NOTE. For those who have studied Palaeontology, we must assume
> that Diprotodon, Macropus, Megatheriums, the sabre tooth tigers, the
> mammoths, etc just died of natural causes.
> SPECIAL SPECIAL NOTE. In relation to palaeontology or anthropological
> research see note 17 above on Science.
> 23. Indigenous people are really spiritual and their religions are
> based on some really interesting creation, fertility and afterlife
> myths.
> 24. The Bible is just a collection of irrational superstitions.
> 25. We should all feel guilty because of what happened to the
> Native Americans.
> 26. ON THE OTHER HAND we should not blame the current generation of
> Germans for the holocaust.
> 27. Anyway, Britain was as much to blame for the Second World War as
> Germany. (Everyone knows Churchill was just as bad as Hitler.)
> This leads inevitably to the Politically Correct attitudes to various
> countries. The basic rule here is that you must never criticise any
> country or its culture, or practices because "we are only seeing it
> through our own narrow cultural perspective." Therefore we have no
> right to judge the actions of other countries, and you may not compare
> certain cultures as being superior or inferior to others. There are
> two major exceptions.
> 28. The United States is the most right wing, greedy, militaristic,
> war mongering country in the world.
> 29. All Americans are right wing rednecks or religious fanatics.
> 30. All American films are trash except those made by Quentin
> Tarantino. In fact anything American is trash except Levi's, old
> Fifties cars, old black and white movies, Marilyn Monroe, Warner
> Brothers Cartoons, the Internet, Bruce Springsteen, and calling men's
> arses, "butts", "buns" and "asses."
> 31. France produces the best philosophers in the world.
> 32. France produces the best movies in the world.
> 33. France produces the best food in the world.
> SPECIAL NOTE: Do not mention France's nuclear arms industry.
> ART.
> 34. Art is the most important thing in the world.
> 35. Any piece of art is worthwhile.
> 36. Any piece of art is intrinsically more valuable than any
> functional object.
> 37. The more useless a piece of art is, the greater its integrity.
> 38. The uglier a piece of art is, the more meaningful it is.
> 39. Nothing which is representational can truly be called art unless
> the thing represented is distorted beyond recognition. Even a photo in
> which you can recognise something fails to be art.
> 40. The government should put more money into things like the Opera.
> 41. Elitism in art is really terrible.
> 42. The Europeans design the best of everything, except for a few
> Japanese.
> 43. It's okay to be a drug addict if you're a painter or a rock star.
> 44. It's okay to be rude if you're a painter or a rock star.
> 45. If it's on the ABC it must be true.
> 46. It's okay to invade people's privacy if you work for a newspaper
> or a magazine.
> 47. Famous people have no right to privacy. Getting photographed
> changing your swim togs on a private island through a 1000mm lens by a
> photographer up a tree disguised as a toucan is okay because it's your
> fault for being famous.
> 48. Capitalism is bad.
> 49. Businessmen are crooks.
> 50. Businesswomen are reputable and hard working.
> 51. Teachers are good hardworking people.
> 52. Nurses are good hardworking people.
> 53. All other government employees are obstructive bureaucrats.
> 54. Rich people get away with paying almost no tax at all.
> 55. Any relationship between business and government is bound to be
> corrupt.
> 56. Nuclear power is inherently and "will always be" inherently
> unsafe.
> 57. Asian leaders like Lee Kuan Yew really know a lot about running a
> country.
> 58. The unemployed are not to be criticised, unless of course they
> fail to find work.
> 59. No charity can ever be criticised even if it is patently obvious
> that most of the money collected does not go to the cause in question.
> SPECIAL NOTE: Criticising a charity organisation amounts to the same
> thing as criticising the people whom the charity is set up to help.
> The existence of an actual needy cause is not necessary - for example,
> Red Nose day. This is a world wide campaign to buy and wear a stupid
> plastic red nose for a day. Why? To raise funds for research into
> SIDS. Now over the last few years there has been an enormous amount of
> research into SIDS and much of the mystery has been unravelled. Apart
> from a few children with congenital problems, most cot deaths are a
> result of children being wrapped up too tight and placed face
> down. They overheat and suffocate - end of research. And yet the sales
> of red noses go on each year, and to refuse to buy a red nose is
> regarded as tantamount to personally asphyxiating a newborn in a
> cot. It has not been explained how "wearing the red nose" as opposed
> to simply making the monetary contribution helps the cause.
> The same dilemma is posed by the Forty Hour Famine. Australians "go
> without eating" for 40 hours to help starving people in Africa. How
> does this help? Is the implication that the food we don't eat will go
> to the Africans? Of course not. Then what is the point? Well, say the
> advocates, you sponsor yourself to starve for 40 hours. I still don't
> get it. Wouldn't it make more sense to sponsor yourself for "eating."
> Why don't we have a day where we all go to restaurants and eat like
> pigs and the money all goes to help starving people. The more we eat,
> the more they get. Wouldn't that raise MORE MONEY?
> Now there is a new one. People wear a red ribbon on special occasions
> in honour of AIDS awareness. This is interesting because AIDS has
> probably had more press than any disease in history, with the
> exception of The Black Death and that was only because it killed one
> third of Europe. The truth is we don't need more AIDS awareness, we
> need an AIDS "cure" and to that a small red ribbon on the lapel
> contributes nothing? But wait there's more. Now there's a green ribbon
> for something else and no doubt blue and yellow ribbons aren't far
> away. - By the way, wasn't half the population of Africa supposed to
> be dead by now of AIDS. It doesn't seem to be as bad as was predicted.
> But when someone asks you to wear a red nose, or pin a red ribbon to
> your lapel you will agree because to do otherwise is to say, I don't
> care about these people. Even if you donate a thousand dollars a year
> to cancer research, to refuse to wear the nose is to declare yourself
> an uncaring person - virtually a psychopath.
> 60. Everything natural is good.
> 61. Everything man-made is bad.
> SPECIAL NOTE. Normally the use of "man" to mean "human" is forbidden,
> but in this case, where it used in reference to something bad, it is
> not only permissible it is mandatory. Women do not engage in
> industrial activities because they are bad for the earth.
> 62. Forests once felled never grow back hence cutting down a tree is a
> form of murder.
> 63. Native species are good. "Introduced" species are bad.
> SPECIAL CASE: This is a hard one because obviously all species were
> introduced at some stage. Basically, species which were introduced to
> Australia 40,000 years ago such as dingoes and humans are "good", but
> species which were only introduced a couple of hundred years ago are
> "bad." It is not clear whether blackbirds, rabbits and Italians will
> be considered "good" 40,000 years from now.
> 64. It is a terrible thing to let a species become extinct. SPECIAL
> NOTE: Once more, do not refer to Science to mention that literally
> "millions" of species have become extinct since the beginning of life
> on earth.
> 65. The earth is a very delicate eco-system and we can easily throw
> the whole system out of balance and make it an uninhabitable rock.
> SPECIAL NOTE: Do not mention that the Earth has sustained millions of
> years of tectonic upheavals, volcanic activity in which areas the size
> of India were covered in lava, ice ages and several direct hits by
> meteors the size of MCG, and still continues to support life.
> All right, we're almost out of time, so I'll leave it there. Now one
> very important note. I know this is a lot to take in but I expect you
> to have all this learnt by the end of next week. The reason for this
> is that you must give these hand-outs back to me next week so they can
> be destroyed. It is also very important to understand that these
> lectures are top secret and if you are asked you must not disclose
> that you are enrolled in this subject, or that you have attended this
> class. I assume you all understand why. Mr Fletcher? Do you understand
> why?
> Good. Very good Mr Fletcher. Mr Fletcher has done his homework. Did
> everyone else hear that answer? The reason you cannot admit to taking
> this unit is because of the last rule printed on your list. Do you see
> it there in bold type? Do you see what it says.


You'll think it's a bargain at $9.95 till you try to run these suckers,
then you'll wish you just got a coffee and a bagel.
-- Bastardsoft,