FW: Schubert's Unmanaged Symphony

Peyman Oreizy (peymano@ICS.uci.edu)
Wed, 25 Feb 1998 12:23:34 -0800

> Schubert's Unmanaged Symphony
> A managed care company president was given a ticket for a performance
> of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony. Since she was unable to go, she
> gave the ticket to one of her managed care reviewers. The next
> morning she asked him how he had enjoyed it. Instead of a few
> observations about the symphony in general, she was handed a formal
> memorandum which read as follows:
> 1. For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing to do.
> Their number should be reduced, and their work spread over the whole
> orchestra, avoiding peaks of inactivity.
> 2. All 12 violins were playing identical notes. This seems an unneeded
> duplication, and the staff of this section should be cut. If a volume
> of sound is really required, this could be accomplished with the use
> of an amplifier.
> 3. Much effort was involved in playing the 16th notes. This appears to
> be an excessive refinement, and it is recommended that all notes be
> rounded up to the nearest 8th note. If this were done it would be
> possible to use para-professionals instead of experienced musicians.
> 4. No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage
> that has already been handled by the strings. If all such redundant
> passages were eliminated then the concert could be reduced from two
> hours to twenty minutes.
> 5. The symphony had two movements. If Mr. Schubert didn't achieve his
> musical goals by the end of the first movement,then he should have
> stopped there. The second movement is unnecessary and should be cut.
> In light of the above, one can only conclude that had Mr. Schubert
> given attention to these matters, he probably would have had time to
> finish the symphony.