Death and Lie All Glisten With The Energy

Sidney Becker (
Thu, 3 Jul 1997 10:48:36 -0700 (PDT)

Mr. Jimmy "It's a Wonderful Life" Stewart died yesterday. He was
old, 10 years the senior of Robert Micheum who also breathed for the
last time this week. They are dead, and here I am on a new mailing

A little about myself. I am a teacher of various things currently
living on the eastern sea board. I am married and have two amazing
kids; one of whom is on the west coast pursuing a career in
entertainment and now sports a healthy junk habit. I was raised in a
small town outside of Berlin. My father was an overbearing steel
worker who would make outrageous claims when drunk. He boasted to
friends that he invented the question mark and often said that the
chestnuts were lazy and should be punished. My mother was a Latvian
prostitute named Cloe who had webbed toes and a pronounced lisp. We
spent our summers on the Rhine making meat helmets and being sexually
molested by out older cousins.

I came to American with the hopes of finding an education and a
healthy outlet for my sexual propensities. I first lived in an ashram
in Cold Springs, but soon grew tired of unshaven armpits and hamburger

Later I found my way to the east coast, where I quickly became
involved with the Latvian Mafia. I soon rose to the ranks and soon had
my own niche market smuggling defective Rubics Cubes to soviet block
countries. With the fall of the Soviet menace I was soon pressed to
find other work.

So now I various in the High School system as a substitute teacher.
The pay is not much but the selection of young nubile flesh is more
than compensation for my time. We tend to move about on a fairly
regular basis.

That is my story in brief. I look forward to interesting conversations
in the mails to come.


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