by Martell Stroup
Washington (DWPI) - President Clinton, on a roll from apologizing
for slavery, today also apologized for "cancer, both world wars,
Milli Vanilli and New Kids on the Block, the metric system, Pauly
Shore, New Coke, platform shoes, the Betamax format, voice mail,
the AMC Pacer, tofu burritos, the Boxer Rebellion, high pressure
sodium lights, telemarketing, Spam, and the movies 'Speed 2: Cruise
Control' and 'Batman & Robin'." When asked about the numerous
pending lawsuits against the President and the First lady, Clinton
said, "Why should I apologize for that stuff? I didn't do it."
"While I'm fully aware that money can't buy happiness,
I wouldn't mind being known as "the melancholy
guy who drives the red Lamborghini Diablo."
- George Olson