Make poetry, not flames, in the OS Wars

Ernest Prabhakar (
Mon, 28 Jul 97 11:15:11 -0700

Does poetry count as humor bits?

Anyway, it seemed very FoRK-worthy.

The only real problem is his comment about "UNIX and all its friends."
Does UNIX have any friends per se? There are the UNIX vendors and Linux
enthusiasts. Does anybody else care, or are they all jumping on the NT

-- Ernie P.

P.S. JoeB, care to take up his challenge?

Subject: Another poem of mine...
From: (Stoney Edwards)
Date: 27 Jul 1997 14:19:00 -0700
Newsgroups: comp.unix.advocacy,
Hello all.

Here is another little poem of mine. Actually, it's based on a silly
dream that I had one night.

NT users, please don't read this, and then flame me... this is done with
humor, and should not be seen as 'ranting.' I would welcome anything
equally funny about UNIX as well (assuming this is funny :) ).
Oh Windows NT, oh how I hate thee,
On my desktop, in my box, how you kludge.
With your weak architecture, with its Microsoft texture,
As I groan the "F" word (which ain't "fudge!")

I once used you only, and soon I was lonely,
For an OS which did more than just strut.
I discovered UNIX, and found out quite soon it's
NT that's a pain in the butt.

So now what to do, with the Microsoft foo,
After all, it was not at all free.
I installed it with Linux, and when I was finished,
hda1 became hda3!

I yelled "what the hell is that horrible smell,"
"That befouleth my computer's gear."
I opened a folder, that appeareth to smolder,
Why, Mr. Gates, what are you doing here?

"I was just dropping by, to watch you box fry,"
"On my OS that is Windows NT."
"I now own the Internet, and Java, and your soul."
"In fact, I own the whole world now, you see."

"UNIX is dead, 'cause that's what I said,"
"NT is the only way now."
I said "this is not so, for I think you should know"
"NT came out the rear of a cow."

"NT is so chintzy, a true 'wanna-be' OS,"
"Not like the UNIX that came long before it."
"You doctor it up, with the usual fluff,"
"And say 'Here, use this crap... you'll adore it!'"

Then Mr. Bill G, looked sternly at me,
And squeaked "UNIX is older than dirt."
Then I promptly said, "Oh please, you dorkhead!"
"That's precisely why the thing works!"

"The kernel's refined, thru the passage of time,"
"And that's why it's as solid as lead."
Then Mr. Gates, squealed, and his tiny arm reeled,
To throw the NT disks at my head.

I yelled, "Hey, what was that, you rich little brat,"
"I should kick you ass for what you did!"
He said "you better not, or I'll wipe NT snot,"
"On your new CPU casing lid!"

I yelled, "Look, there's the door, you MS-DOS whore,"
As I threw Bill G. out on the street.
"And here's your NT, which I spit unto thee,"
As I threw the disks at the man's feet.

Then with finger in nose, Bill G. promptly proposed,
"You jerk... I'm gonna go tell my mom!"
I said "Big flippin' deal, go ahead and go squeal,"
"Your OS is a scum sucking bomb."

"And know this, you bastard, NT's going to get plastered,"
"By UNIX and all of its friends."
"Go home to the losers, which are WinNT users,"
"Your OS will come to a quick end."

And then I opened my eyes, "fell asleep," I surmised,
The keyboard makes not a good pillow.
I could hardly see, what was in front of me.
For my body was limp like old jello.

And as I awoke, and I started to choke,
At the thought of NT on my box.
I saw my workstation... UNIX in operation,
"Oh man, NT is crap... UNIX ROCKS!"

So to UNIX users, who really are cruisers,
I have one request unto thee...
If you fall fast asleep, and Bill G. pays a visit,
Give him a kick in the ass just for me. :)

Stephen S. Edwards II |
"The problem with Microsoft is... they have no taste." --Steve Jobs
NOTE: Please redirect all SPAM, trolls, and flames to /dev/toilet.