And then I started surfing Movielink to catch a showing of "There's
Something About Mary..." and found there's NOT ONE MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF ANY
STRIPE IN ORANGE COUNTY. The nearest, in fact, is the Hollywood Galaxy.
So instead, I thought I'd share some post-breakup tips from Jump magazine
("for girls who dare to be real"):
If you meet him at your locker, don't "accidentally" close the door on
If he sees you at the library sitting with the school's math nerd, say
"Oh, hey, Brad. So, Eugene, what you're saying is that if x is 10, then..."
Don't continually call him and hang up. He'll *69 you faster than you
can fake a foreign accent.
Don't blame your breakup... on the size of your earlobes
Re-introduce yourself to your hobbies... reading, playing guitar, buying
out at the mall, drooling over George Clooney...
You know, this self-esteem-raising magazine is precisely the sort of satanic
crap I'd ban from my home. I'd sooner have my 15 year old reading Pauline
Reage... the whole perky volume is loads of conformist crap, leavened by
four pages of profiles of "girl athletes with nontraditional bods" -- ooh! a
5 foot, 93 lb 16 yo fencer, or a self-confessed chunky 150lb 5'8" 17yo
soccer player -- and three stories of plastic surgery horrors: Kristi, 26,
Houston, a plastic addict with $150k worth of work over ten years starting
when a bf dumped her and broke her nose, aggravated by a beauty-queen mom;
Danielle, 16, Woodland Hills, whose mom gave her and her twin sister
rhinoplasties for their brithday -- aggravating a continuing drama where
Michelle remained the "cute one" after her new nose was "two millimeters"
off; and Cassidy, 20, New York, whose fiance (not even husband!) browbeat
her into these "horrible, Dolly Parton" B-cup implants. And it closes with
Cassidy saying: "Before the surgery, I never wore a bathing suit without a
T-shirt or shorts over it. Now I'll walk around in a bikini at the beach,
but I'll still look at other girls and wish I had their bodies.
[Talking to Tim Byars, cellphone to cellphone for 15 minutes, both of us
sitting at home with spare landlines... ah, geek excess!]
Manic magazine's launch party tomorrow in Huntington Beach: corn doggy dog
evinrude, rule 62, Doom Kounty, and Electric Chair
$5 cover 5300 collin industrial drive off bolsa chica.. details to follow by
www.huntingtonstreet.com . Follow the link to what the Satanic Chicken is
browsing with. And don't miss the interview with the Genitorturers...
Next week, across from Senor Whitehead's wedding: The OP Pro surfing world
championships returning to Huntington after a withering year in Australia.
I'm not conformist enough to live in Irvine: Tim finds it amusing that I
have not owned a pair of blue jeans since I was, oh, twelve.Green jeans,
black jeans,... but no blues..
No siree, not much to do but drop by Sid's and see if I can apologize to
Nikki for the damage wrought by the last FoRKcon... the $70 tip should have
And then, after that, get back to WACCing off this abstract with Adam...
PS. yes, Geege, I'll clean up the archives soon. How's your end of the deal
coming? What airport code should I be searching for? -- since I sure hope at
least ONE utensil has something to do on a Friday night... :-)