Tales from the FoRK Side / It was Better in the Original Klingon

Eric P. Scott (eps+conduit@sirius.com)
Fri, 12 Jun 1998 22:02:03 -0700 (PDT)

The further adventures of Starship FoRKager

J: "Mr. Rovok--status report?"

R: "That last explosion released a massive burst of anti-cluon
radiation. Shields are down to 97%. XML generators are
offline. Engineering reports they are no longer playing with a
full deck."

J: "Go to Orange Alert. Invasive manuevers."

T: "JaneWAIS, You Ignorant Slut!"

J: "Not now, Mr. Byris. Harvey, bring us around."

H: "What are we going to do? `Moon' them?"

J: "Six-foot-two, if you have a better suggestion, now's the

6: "Yes, I believe I've found a solution. I've been studying
Neejob's recipe files. By venting warp plasma directly into the
food replicators we should be able to synthesize enough Tommy's
Chili to eat through their defensive perimeter."

J: "Eeeeuuu! I just hope it works. If not, you can kiss your
astrometrics goodbye."

6: "I hope this works as well. If I have to eat any more of
Neejob's cooking I'm going to be venting something a lot worse
than warp plasma."

J: "You and me both. Dismissed."

R: "I stand corrected. It seems there's been some sort of
malfunction on the holodeck."

D: "It's all wrong!"

J: "What's wrong, Doctor?"

D: "I was running the Campus simulation, exploring my origins in
the late 18th century."

J: "_20th_ century."

D: "Whatever. As I was saying, 3% of the record appears to have

J: "Doesn't sound like any great loss..."

D: "But the icons are gone! And so are the floppy drives!"

T: "Ah yes. The discovery of Viagra."

J: "Viagra?"

D: "An early treatment for emitter dysfunction. I can assure you
my emitters are fully functional. Well, at least 97% functional."

J: "In that case, I suggest you return to sick bay immediately.
We may be receiving casualties."

D: "Casualties? What sort of casualties?"

J: "Does `Six in an apron' ring any bells?"

D: "No, but if you'll hum a few bars..."

J: "_Now_, Doctor. Your charming bedside manner will have to

T: "What about _my_ charming bedside manner?"

J: "Your bedside manner will have to wait too. I'll be in my
Ready Room."

R: "Curious. Have you ever noticed how the captain always
retires to her Ready Room when she isn't `ready?'"

H: "Tell me about it. At least she doesn't need to recharge

6: "Six to the bridge. We're ready down here. And Harvey,
you're no `Energizer Bunny' yourself."

H: "Six, have you been eavesdropping on us again?"

6: "Of course. I am Bored. Resistance is futile."

T: "Here we go again."

R: "Gentlemen, may I point out that you at least _have_ a social

H: "Lighten up, Rovok. At least you'll have sixty thousand
frequent flyer light-years when all of this is over."

R: "You'll have to excuse me if I don't share your enthusiasm."

T: "Uh, Harv, you don't know?"

H: "Know? Know what?"

T: "Rovok's on an award ticket. He doesn't earn anything."