More screamingly funny stuff from Auckland...

Robert S. Thau (
Mon, 2 Mar 1998 23:15:32 -0500 (EST)

If anyone was wondering whether Mercury Power really is as venal and
stupid as Peter made it out to be, a look at Mercury's own sadly
hilarious web site ( will settle the issue. I can
also recommend it without reservation to fans of the movie Brazil who
would like to see more of the same --- not so much for the plot, as
the general atmosphere. If Central Services from that movie had a web
site, it would look exactly like Mercury Power's, right down to the
retro '30s art deco logo.

A sample, from one of their position papers:

_People have asked if the problems with CBD cables are a result of
poor network maintenance, and whether our pursuit of ownership of
neighbouring Power New Zealand involved spending money which would
otherwise have been used on network maintenance._


Mercury Energy's two year price freeze for standard charges ended in
January, and prices have not increased since. The costs of buying
expensive power from government owned Contact Energy or securing extra
supply in the CBD will be absorbed by Mercury Energy and not added to
customers bills.

In the past two years service has got better - we know this because we
ask our customers to rank our performance against other businesses
such as Telecom and their bank. We've also focused on doing the things
that are important to our customers - like arriving on time for
appointments - and crediting their account if we don't deliver. We
have also significantly reduced our fault response times - our No
Worries Service Guarantee is unmatched worldwide.

Sure enough --- no service, no worries! Match that! I dare ya!

It goes on to explain that Mercury's customers should actually be
pleased about the takeover foofaraw, because the shares have proved to
be a good investment (resulting in lower rates!).