SLATE: A Policy Statement

Dan Kohn (
Sun, 1 Jun 1997 23:02:45 -0700

[* You gotta respect biting the hand that feeds you. - dan *]

SLATE: A Policy Statement
In light of continuing concerns about the power and ambitions
of our parent company, the Microsoft Corp., we at SLATE would like to
offer the following declaration of our own policy and goals. This
policy statement was prepared without consultation, and applies only
Our goal at SLATE, quite simply, is to own political and
cultural commentary in this country, the industrialized nations, and
ultimately in the developing regions as well. The whole world,
basically. We will use any means necessary to achieve this end,
including competition, both fair and unfair, wholesale buying up of
potential rivals, strategic partnerships and alliances, strategic
betrayals of partners and allies, theft, bribery, murder, and, if
necessary, putting out a high-quality product.
Someday, if you want an opera criticism, an analysis of the
latest tax proposal, or a profile of some obscure academic, you'll
have no choice but to come to us. Building on our domination of these
areas, we will extend our reach into popular culture, gradually
monopolizing movie and television reviews and interviews with
brainless celebrities. Ultimately, our towering position, as well as
economies of scale in the production of opinion and analysis, will
make resistance futile. At that point, we will control the industry
and be able to extract the rich monopoly profits waiting to be had
from poetry, book reviews, essays pleading for entitlement reform,
explanations of developments in foreign countries, and similar product
We will, of course, continue to support all platforms: liberal,
conservative, libertarian, vegetarian, UNIX. We are committed to
producing opinions that are compatible with all standard political
labels and work equally well for Democrats and Republicans. We foresee
a day when all viewpoints on every subject are equally comfortable for
anyone to swallow, and when the frustrating cacophony of today's
political and cultural debate is replaced by easy-to-use modules of
predigested viewpoints that can be downloaded from the Web with a
simple credit-card transaction.
Or at least, that's the plan.