[VOID] Eurodollars and Esperanto

Gregory Alan Bolcer (gbolcer@gambetta.ICS.uci.edu)
Mon, 25 May 1998 10:20:04 -0700

Eurodollars and Esperanto are supposed
to be the next universal money and the next
universal language. The only true universal
language is sex, and that is why Rohit while
in Surfer's Paradise spent his last few
Australian bucks he had to dispose of before
coming back stateside on the Australian published
Waves magazine. While I am an avid surfer,
grad school has basically killed my time over
the past 2 years. Rohit knows I enjoy surfing,
but the reason he bought the magazine is that
the feature story is 'Sex & Grommets'.

Waves magazine is your standard surfer fare,
60-70% full page spreads of guys zipping across
the faces of perfect waves trying to get 'tubed'
which has been described in Holden Caufield terms
of being ensconced in a womb of water. Surfer
and Surfing magazine produced in Dana Point and
Capo Beach, California respectively fill up another
10-15% with scantilly clad bathing beauties sitting
admiringly on the beaches selling everything from
sex and sun tan oil to sex and clothing (despite the
lack of it in the ads). Waves fills up the majority
of the remainder with articles about surfing as
opposed to something like Perfect 10 which you
can't find an article in anywhere, and we were really
looking. {{PERFECT 10 SIGNING - On Friday, May 29th, meet cover girl
Ashley Reed and two other gorgeous Perfect 10 models at the Los
Angeles Airport, Images Store, Terminal 7, from 10:00AM to 11:30AM, and at
the Image Store, Terminal 5, from 11:30AM to 1:00PM.}}

The immediate attraction of the Waves magazine for Rohit
of course was the aforementioned article. They did a
sex survey a few years ago for all the top professional surfers
and published the results. The second survey published
in this magazine of course, and interviewed the top
junior surfers. So, you want answers? Below is
FoRK's second ever sex survey. Everyone can participate,
don't be ashamed. Even the female FoRKers. Answer
truthfully, nobody reads these things anywyas, and if
they do, they will never hook up the name with your face.

1) After your first sexual encounter with a {woman/man} did you
tell your mates [Aus. for pals/friends 8-)] the next day?

2) Does Alcohol increase your success rate in bed?

3) What are some of the tuning [pick up lines] methods you like to apply?

4) Where do you get the most sex in the world?

5) Does sex keep you fit?

6) Are you good at it?

7) Do you need a beer to pull a chick?

8) Do surfers pull more roots than body boarders? [This is
too surfing specific, so substitute your two favorite majors].

9) What do chicks do when they find out your a surfer [Web geek]?

10) Does it help being a surfer [Computer scientist]?

11) Who is the luckiest [man/woman] in the world right now.

12) What do you think of nude beaches in France?

13) What would you think of a nude world?

14) What about AIDS, do you think about it much?

15) Are you embarrassed by sex?

16) What's your funniest experience with sex?

17) If you could have sex with one person, who would it be?

18) Is free love good?

19) Does sex have a future?

20) Do you consider yourself a sensitive new-age [guy/girl]?

21) What do you think of marriage?

22) What's your favourite[sic] sexual manoeuvre[sic]?

23) What's your favourite[sic] music to have sex to?
[It's a virus, I wonder if Lloyd spells like that?]

24) Is Mrs. Palmer adequate back up if you can't pull
a root? [try doing an AltaVista on 'Rosy Palms']

25) Which would you rather be?
a) Rich, famous, celibate?
b) Poor, unknown, and a stud/nymph?
c) a cruisy guy/gal who pulls his or her fair share?