Alanis Morissette batters reporter, screams "I'm no Spice Girl!"

Tim Byars (
Fri, 4 Dec 1998 17:02:12 -0800

During a promotion for her new CD, the pop singer Alanis Morissette had an
ugly confrontation with a member of the press that turned violent. Sources
indicate that Ron Higera, a writer for Vanity Fair magazine, bluntly accused
Morissette of being "a blatant phony." The verbal exchange escalated between
the two until Ms. Morissette struck the writer on the forehead with the 20
pound bag of fried curry she was carrying.

Upon striking the reporter, the fuming songstress turned to a stunned crowd
and began shouting. She angrily declared that she was "no Spice Girl,"
referring to a manufactured British group known as the Spice Girls. The
reference had been suggested by the battered reporter. Morissette, a favored
media darling, in the past has gone to great lengths to assure the public that
she is authentic and not merely a fabricated angry female rocker using a
well-crafted image to sell millions of records.

Although the assault has caused a stir in the press, it is unlikely to affect
her fans who are legion and faithful. Commented Lydia, one fan this reporter
stopped outside Tower Records after she had purchased Morissette's new CD,
"I'm sure that guy deserved it, whatever he said. She probably should have
given him a kick in the balls, too. Go Alanis!"

The feisty singer began her show business career at age 8. Growing up, she
shared the typical experiences of other teenagers such as being the star of a
popular television series, dealing with managers for her stage and song
career, and studying hard with a battery of private tutors.

Her earlier years gave no indication of her later uncontrollable anger and
violent tendencies. In 1992, Alanis released her third album, the Debbie
Gibson-esque "Now is the Time" CD. By the middle of 1993, she even starred in
the movie "Just One of the Girls" as a clean cut, well groomed, and perky high
school student.

Few realized the angst that must have been building up in the poor tortured
girl as she earned substantial income from stage and television work. Deep
feelings of feminine anger were seething just below the surface and were known
only to her closest hair stylists, make-up artists, wardrobe designers, and
talent agents.

When things were looking most bright and promising for the young Alanis, she
decided to strike out on her own. Her journey and Phoenix-like transformation
from an antiseptic puff girl to an angry, alternative rock artist in less than
14 months is a heart breaking journey.

In 1993, down on her luck, she left Ontario with nothing more than some
clothes, a hair dryer, an old beat up '94 Mercedes, and her manager. In L.A.
she lived the hard life, unable to work, with only her sizable bank account to
fall back on. It was most likely during this period that Alanis developed her
distinctive musical style that is hard-edged and angry at the world, yet still
vulnerable, warm, and optimistic.

Frustrated and depressed with the challenges of the music business, the
assembly line pop rocker did what any starving artist would do...she began
interviewing the top industry producers to collaborate with her. Just when she
thought she hit rock bottom, she found a soul partner in Glen Ballard who had
previously worked with unknown acts such as Natalie Cole, Michael Jackson,
Quincy Jones, Barbara Streisand, and Paula Abdul.

In November of 1994, a staggering fourteen months after leaving Ontario, she
finished the studio recording of the record that would make her a superstar --
Jagged Little Pill. The spunk and persistence of this woman and the hardship
of her struggle makes the anger and sorrow in her songs all the more poignant.

Four years after the release of her debut (or more accurately 3rd) CD, she had
begun promoting her new record when the incident occurred. The new CD,
unpretentiously titled Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie, debuted on the
Billboard chart at #1.

Alanis has stated that "artistic choice" was the reason for the years between
releases as she rested and created new material. The lengthy delay was
certainly not a well crafted Machiavellian plan to give the consumer market a
pause between records, followed by a heavily promoted movie sound track single
that would rekindle interest for new music similar to that song, followed by a
few teaser live performances and a media blitz of a new video and various
music specials before the new CD is released, as suggested by the Vanity Fair

Higera has already stated that he will not press any charges as he only
suffered a concussion and severe head trauma. Meanwhile, Alanis continues to
sell hundreds of thousands of CDs by being true to herself, true to the music,
and true to her fans.

Weld's Press Exclusive - The original lyrics to Thank U
Alanis Morissette has a new hit single titled Thank U. Through underground
contacts, we were able to obtain a copy of the original lyrics that follow.
The genesis of the song itself is an interesting story.

When Madonna decided that co-opting the culture of India (yoga, mysticism, et
al) was THE new trend to adopt, she instructed her protege to visit India.
Alanis Morissette, who records on Madonna's label, and took up running like
Madonna, and now practices yoga like Madonna, and crafts her image with
Madonna's help, decided for herself to take the trip.

Upon returning Alanis sat down immediately with her various ghost writers and
created a song the reflected the experiences of her visit. The song apparently
didn't pass muster with the original Material Girl. She is reported to have
said "What is this crap? Make the song about spiritual India.... and don't do
another one of those artsy videos. Make a video that shows some flesh for
god's sake. Titillate, darling."

Madonna sent little Alanis back to her writers to create the Thank U single
that you hear today. Because of a malfunction with Alanis' office shredder and
a crafty and embittered assistant, the original lyrics still exist. Below
you'll find them and it you read between the lines, they cast a slightly
different tone on the country of India than the revision.

Thank U (original lyrics)
How about persecuting some evil Muslims
How about nuking all of the Pakistanis
How about underground nuclear testing
How about getting a case of hepatitis

Thank you India
Thank you intolerance
Thank you dysentery
Thank you urine
Thank you infanticide
Thank you, thank you disease

How about drowning girl babies in the river
How about keeping a rigid caste system
How about praying to Bessy the holy milk cow
How about eating food that smells like refuse

Thank you India
Thank you intolerance
Thank you dysentery
Thank you urine
Thank you infanticide
Thank you, thank you disease

The moment I smelled it was
The moment I felt slightly nauseous
The moment I got away from it was
The moment I kept a meal down

How about wearing a red dot on your forehead
How about working at 7-11
How about wearing a sheet and calling it clothing
How about latching on to the fad of the moment

Thank you India
Thank you intolerance
Thank you dysentery
Thank you urine
Thank you infanticide
Thank you, thank you disease

yeah yeah
ahh ohhh
ahhh ho oh
ahhh ho ohhhhhh
yeaahhhh yeahh