Johnny Carson to Ricardo Montoban: "You have been with some of the most
beautiful women in Hollywood. Is there some sort of secret?"
Montoban: "You wouldn't believe what you can get when you ask."
With that introduction I now present CobraBoy's tips on the other sex.
These are mostly until now deep deep secrets kept by women, with a strong
disinformation campaign having been enacted to keep us off guard, and
Here then is the real scoop. Follow this and your love life will improve.
(Chances are it can't get any worse...)
What if I told you that every woman you meet you stand a 66% chance of
getting laid? You wouldn't believe me, but it's true. Let's look at the
following to illustrate my point.
You meet a woman, she within the first five minutes has made a decision
33% - no way in hell.
33% - not enough data, who knows.
33% - oh yeah, go for it.
Now it is in the middle section that most of us guys screw it up. Actually
many guys waste a LOT of time with the first, which is really stupid.
Unless rape is your thing write it off and go on. John Bon Jovi said in an
interview that he sometimes wishes he was a Chippendales dancer so he could
get more women. So think it through guys. If Bon Jovi doesn't get what he
considers to be enough, neither are you.
If you are in the first 33% give it up. She will let you know and that is
it. Move on.
If your in the third 33% she is going to let you know. Sometimes out right,
but usually by a series of subtle hints. Remember our friend Ricardo's
words. Read the hints.
Ok, so how do we get her to swing over to "your side." Well not by
following the rules that is for damned sure. Because the rules are usually
written by women. And their answers are based on their desires for the
"fantasy" type of guy. When they are asked by a magazine to describe the
"perfect" evening it isn't with you. It's with her idea of the perfect man.
If the question is "describe a perfect date with a really normal, average
guy." Guess what.? She'll fry. Women can't extrapolate the thought process
to that extreme. There answering the question EXACTLTY as it is asked. The
"perfect" date. That isn't with you. Period. I don't give a shit if your
Fabio. Fabio has millions of fat, ugly housewives after him. You want to be
Fabio? Thought not.
Ok, so what are you to do? First off let's look at what a woman wants.
Period. That is it. That is what she is looking for. Why do rich, ugly old
guys get babes? Penile length? Hardly. Money = Security.
Ok, so your not rich, ugly or old, how do you get a babe? First off, leave
her alone. Don't paw at her. Don't even touch her. Not until your sure she
has crossed over to the go for it 33%. Before that it's wasted energy and
chances are it's going to screw up your chances. After you got her to make
the decision to give it up, hell, you can lay back and let her do all the
work. Trust me on this....
Second, get her to trust you some how. This is important. Let her know,
that your trustworthy. Not that women trust men, but it's like a warranty.
You convince yourself that you're protected. Now I don't mean tell her how
trustworthy you are. No. Again subtly is the name of the game. Tell her how
you hate liars. Lie to her and tell her how you hate liars. Ever see a dog
that has just finished eating and the other owner comes home? That dog will
act like it hasn't eaten in weeks to get another bowl of food. Of course
that isn't really a lie is it? Naw, it's just to get some more. And more is
what we want.
Third, get her thinking about sex. Now this is the hard part. Because you
see, women can't really get turned on like we can. What happens when we get
turned on. A hard on, right? Then what? It goes down and we go about our
business. Maybe later we have to blow out the pipes, but so what. We are
able to more or less continue through out day.
Now what happens when a woman gets turned on. She gets wet. Then what? She
stay's wet. Not the most comfortable thing in the world. So women have
built in safeguards against this sort of thing. What you have to do is
override those safeguards. Again and again if necessary. She will respect
you for it. "God he always turns me on." Do you think she is going to think
this and NOT fuck you?
So how do you go about doing this? Well here are some hints. Women like
pretty things. If your going to show her porn or something make sure it's
pretty and well done. Don't put in Ed Powers, or Max Hardcore. Duh...
Ask her what turns her on and run with it. No matter what it is. There is
very little chance she is going to ever try to get you to act these things
out no matter what it is. So if for example she says, "well I've always
wanted to see two guys together." Don't be a dick and go into some sort of
homophobic fit. Say, "really, I've never thought about it, but if you were
there and getting really turned on by it, yeah... maybe... tell me what you
would like to see..." But again unless she is blushing and flushing
(turning red in the face and upper chest region) don't start pawing at her
or trying to touch her. Let her feel safe reveling her fantasy's. And most
important!! Incorporate you into those fantasy's. Other wise your pushing
yourself into the "good friend I can talk about anything with." The meter
has taken a almost irreversible swing to the "no chance in hell side." Also
don't push her into your fantasy's. If she asks point blank what your
fantasy is, look at her and say, "to be with you." Then let it go. Don't
say another word. Period.
So let's review. Your not going to paw her. Your going to instill trust.
Your going to get her turned on. Gee that isn't so hard is it?
Let's cover a few other topics.
1) I like a guy who makes me laugh.
Well duh. She doesn't want to spend her time hearing about how fucked up
your life is, or how Intel/MS has to be stopped. Nope, she wants to have
2) Complement her. This is the biggest mistake I see guys making. Women
like to hear their pretty, ,sexy, etc. Remember she gets ready to go out
with you. What the fuck do you do? Put on clean socks? Probably not if you
just put on clean one's this morning. So tell her she looks good.
3) Your undivided attention. Don't compare her with other women/girls. And
don't ogle other women/girls. Her reaction and I fully agree with this. "If
that is what you want motherfucker why are you wasting my time? If that is
what you want go for it and leave me alone." Bad bad mistake. As a side
note, don't put yourself into a situation where she cannot be the center of
your attention. Stay out of clubs, hot spots, etc. Go to "safe" private
4) Don't expect her to know what you know, or your buddies know. Chances
are she doesn't ever want to learn how to write a Linux driver. So don't go
there. Women like a guy with "street smarts" a hell of a lot more than a
guy with "book smarts." And like = sex.
5) Challenge her. Let her know that you aren't easy, and are looking for
something. Don't be an asshole about this but giving her a challenge is a
good thing. A few possible situations.
Younger man /older woman - think you can keep up?
Older man/younger women - Well with my experience I wouldn't want to melt
6) Oh, and vent. Let her vent. As a matter of fact encourage it. She will
love you for it. "I can be with him and just go off and he doesn't mind."
Again swing that meter over to the go for it side. However, reel her in.
Women like to have limits. After 10 minutes of her venting tell her, "ok,
that is enough." And switch the subject.
Ok, so what have we learned? Well hopefully you see some simple mistakes
you've been making in your swing that is preventing you from being the home
run hitter that you should be. Like I said in the beginning, most of us
screw up what could be a home run. You just have to know the rules, watch
the sign's, and go for it.
Give me back my bullets, put 'em back where they belong. ...Lynard Skynard
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