RE: Steve speaks

I'm not a real doofus, but I play one at a national laboratory. (
Tue, 11 Nov 1997 22:50:57 -0600

Several items of unintentional humor in today's Trib Biz section, plus one of
simple amazement.

Top center has a B&W of Zen Master Jobs nicely angled below the eclipsed (oh,
all right, bitten ;-) Apple logo, hands in a prayerful, or possibly imploring,
pose. The caption, which I read before the headline and sub, says, "Steve
Jobs, co-founder and interim chief executive of Apple Computer Inc., said the
company will not only make machines with the G3 chip but also sell them."

Doggone, I think they're on to something here.

[Yeah, I know, the big deal is that they're doing their own direct Dell-style
retailing now, but it's so much funnier in the simpleminded caption.]

Page 2's Business Briefing on the Intel "Flaw found in Pentium Processor" story
has the following: "Those instructions have to be sent to the chip
intentionally, the world's largest chipmaker said. That means that users are
unlikely to encounter the flaw accidentally, Intel said" That's a relief. I'm
safe as long as my processor continues to get its instructions in its usual,
unintentional, accidental way.

Finally, a Page 1 story on TCF Financial Corp's acquisition of Bank of America's
(where America = California, mostly, as far as I can tell) Jewel-Osco
supermarket banking branches in the Chicago area (Chicagoland, in local
parlance). They set up shop ~6 months ago in our local Jewel, and instantly
lost my interest by charging me a buck or so to use their ATM machine, which was
all of 5 seconds handier than my other options, none of which charge. So, I
didn't think they'd last, but they bailed quicker than I thought they would,
less than 2 years in the area. Beside the annoyance I encountered, their
biggest problem was that they have *no* traditional branch locations here. They
have a single office downtown. I wish they'd pay *me* to give them bad advice.

The amazing part of this story is: TCF will convert BoA's $115M in deposits to
TCF accounts. TCF gets the existing ATMs and 76 branches at no cost, and agrees
to finish building 36 more branches over the next 2 years. Bank of America took
a $112M charge in its 3rd quarter to dispose of this mess and a few other
operations. It's pocket change, perhaps, but in essence, BoA is handing the
keys over to TCF. That would have been a handout line worth cutting in line

I sure get a kick out of the biznooz.


I hope that after I die, people will say of me:
"That guy sure owed me a lot of money." Jack Handey