Does your car make a statement?

CobraBoy! (
Sun, 23 Nov 1997 08:15:42 -0800

Does your car make a statement? Probably so. Here's a list of cars and

statements they make on their drivers' behalf.

Acura Integra

I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.

Acura Legendary

I'm too bland for German cars.

Acura NSX

I am impotent.

AMC Gremlin

I could only afford three-fourths of a Hornet.

AMC Marlin

My father wouldn' t buy me a Camaro.

Audi 90

I enjoy putting out engine fires

Audi 80

I thought the 4000s was too fast.

Austin-Healey 3000

I can put raw meat on the transmission hump and have a well done steak

the time I arrive anywhere.

Buick Park Avenue

I am older than 34 of the 50 states.

Buick Riviera Convertible

I'm not very smart, and I look like it too.

Buick Electra

Hey, it's 30-year old technology. But it's GOOD 30-year old technology.

Buick Reatta

I like ugly, impractical, boring cars.

Cadillac Cimarron

I am stupid enough to pay extra money for an uglified Chevrolet.

Cadillac Eldorado

I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.

Cadillac Seville

I am a pimp.

Chevrolet Camaro

I enjoy beating up people.

Chevrolet Chevette

I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.

Chevrolet Corvette

I'm in a mid-life crisis.

Chevrolet El Camino

I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.

Chrysler 5th Ave

Did the pushpins come free with the headliner?

Chrysler Cordoba

I dig the rich Corinthian leather.

Datsun 280Z

I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.

Dodge Charger

Reliable is boring. My car is exciting.

Dodge Dart

I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.

Dodge Daytona

I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.

Ford Fairmont

(See Dodge Dart)

Ford Mustang

I slow down to 85 in school zones.

Ford Crown Victoria

I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up


Geo Storm

I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.

Geo Tracker

I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.

Honda del Sol

I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at

Honda Civic

I have just graduated and have no credit.

Honda Accord

I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45

I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse

I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6

I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per

Jeep Wrangler

I am fiercely independent, just like all my friends with Jeeps.

Kia Sephia

I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu.

Lotus Esprit

Ever pay $2000 for a tune up? I do.

Lincoln Town Car

I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.

Mercedes 500SL

I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.

Mazda Miata

I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.


I am dating a mechanic.

Mitsubishi Diamante

I don't know what it means either.

Mitsubishi Eclipse GST

Why accelerate? Because you can!

Nissan 300ZX

I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass

I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts.

Peugeot 505 Diesel

I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.

Plymouth Fury

I like driving an air-conditioned sofa that can carry your car in my

as a spare.

Plymouth Neon

I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.

Pontiac Trans AM

I have a switchblade in my sock.

Porsche 944

I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to

Renault 2CV

I think your car is ugly too.

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow

I think Pat Buchanan is a tad too liberal.

Subaru Legacy

I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu.

Triumph TR6

I am an amateur mechanic who enjoys a challenge.

Toyota Camry

I am still in the closet.

Volkswagon Beetle

I still watch Partridge Family reruns.

Volkswagon Cabriolet

I am out of the closet.

VW Rabbit GTi

My mom won't let me buy a Porsche 'til I finish Algebra.

VW Jetta

I stopped smoking pot when I got a real job after college. I swear.

Volkswagon Microbus

I am tripping right now.

Volvo 740 Wagon

I am frightened of my wife.

Volvo 240

Other drivers are unsafe. Let me go ahead and pull out in front of

guy to slow him down.


When spotted doing 140 mph on the 101, I have Ford Motor Company

Vehicle Team's 17" disc brakes and ABS to thank for allowing me to get

off the frwy and ditch the cop.

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