Thanh-isms for 1997

John Boyer (
Fri, 02 Jan 1998 00:32:26 -0600

Here is the most recent list of spoonerisms from my wife Thanh. There are
only about a thousand of these that I have neglected to write down over the
Thanh came to the states from Vietnam when she was 12. She speaks both
languages fluently but sometimes has a hard time with English idioms. Also,
she tends to translate Vietnamese saying into English, they rarely make any
Now lest you think I am making fun of my lovely wife I will tell one on
myself. When we were newly married I got my first chance to talk to my in
laws on the phone. They were still in Vietnam at the time and phone calls
were technically illegal and very expensive. We had to schedule the whole
thing through an operator in another country. I had memorized "Hello
Father, How are You?" in Vietnamese so that I could impress my
father-in-law. Well, it was a really bad connection so I had to yell into
the phone. My southern white boy drawl turned my phrase into "Hello Father,
Have You Eaten Shit?"
Needless to say, I've had to work pretty hard to repair that In-law
Sponsoring them to the US seems to have done the trick. :-)
I don't want to make the wrong mistake.
Oh, that's a bunch of crock!
You've got the world by the oyster!
(while driving) You should've horned him.
I've been living in the wood. ( as opposed to coming out of the woodwork)
If you do that for me, I'll kiss the feet you walk on.
You're walking on thin water now buster!
Head em up and load em out.
I feel so bad, if I was a horse I'd shoot myself.
You're acting like Butthead and Beaver.
That book was so good, it had me on the edge of my feet.
What am I, pork liver?
I'm in the chicken. ( kitchen)
Baloney Bullcraps!!!
I think I see the light at the end of the zone.
I believed you for a fleet of moments.
You're one of a million!
I'm gonna make some blue muffins for breakfast.
You snored like a whale.
Have you seen the play "A Street Named Boxcar"?
If the kids act up we'll just lick their little butts!
I want to pick a bone with you!
(Seeing a CAT'S MUSIC store) Cat Music! That's ridiculous! Who would buy
music for their cat?!
My memory is getting so bad. Last week I forgot something important.... I
don't remember what is was.
(While trying to remember something) It's on the tip of my brain.
Wow, that hurt worse that child labor.
Don't slap the hand that feeds you.
You're wearing me up!
Oh yeah, and the earth is square!
Heck Not!
Spiders give me the Creepy Jeebies!
Morning is not my day.
Like two pods in a pea!
Now that looks spic and spanky!
You little stinkler!
It bungles the brain
That would cost a hand and a foot.
I'm getting on my nerves.
I will avoid that like the plack.
You are just as worse!
What I don't see is what I don't do.
They had a real drag down and knock up fight.
They really took him to the bank on that one.
You are an early worm this morning.
Friday the 13th!, well I'm not suspicious.
My how time flies, it seems like only yesterday that it was Monday. Oh
wait, it's Tuesday!
No more babies for her, she got her test tubes tied.
She has a diseating order.
I'm feeling six feet under the weather.
You look good in white, but white doesn't look good on you.
Just feed those cats some table craps.
I can cook pancakes just like Aunt-ja-mama.
You are my White in Shining Armor.
Do you know anyone with a condom at the beach?

John Boyer
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country."

- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC