Re: There They Go, Bad-Mouthing Divorce Again

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Date: Wed Sep 13 2000 - 07:12:18 PDT

Ok, here comes my $.02 ... I used to party like nobody's business, stay up
all night, sleep in late. Then I finished college, got a 9-5, had to start
going to bed earlier, could only go out drinking 3 nights a week, etc. I
adapted, changed a few things. Then I met my wife, got married, still lived
in the city, but could only go out a few nights a week, spent much more
time around home. I adapted. Then we had a baby, moved out to the country,
my commute got longer. A night out became dinner at a local restaurant, or
ordering in pizza, maybe once a week. I adapted. Now, with 3 children under
age 2, We do not go out. Wife stays home, I go to work (cut down to 40 hr.s
+/-), I come home and spend all my time playing with my daughter, changing
the twins diapers, making bottles, etc. Adapting.

As your life changes, your priorities change, and you make time for the
more important things. Thats how its done. As for Roddy's question -- yes,
it changes your life *immenseley*!! You will never be prepared, no matter
how much you think you are. And it is for both positive and negative.

Positive -- Words will never adequately describe the heart-rending joy I
feel when I walk in the door and my gorgeous 2 year old screams "daddy!"
and runs into my arms with the biggest smile she's capable of! It makes
*everythng* worth while. Playing with her, reading to her, she is an
amazing child. I would die for her, no hesitiation, she has become my life,
and I would not give her up for the world. I love my twins too, but at only
5 months, they are just now starting to become little people, grinning,
cooing, grasping, making eye contact when you say their names. I haven't
formed the same attachment to them as I have to my oldest, but I'm sure I
will in time.

Negative -- there is a *huge* loss of freedom. If you're not prepared to
forgo *all* travel, parties, public social life, and basic "hanging" with
your single friends, don't do it! There is the lack of sleep, and I don't
just mean the first few months where you wake up every 2 hours to feed
them. I'm talking about laying awake at night listening to them labor to
breathe when they have a cold and their tiny nostrils are blocked. And if
you can't hear them breathing, throwing on the light in a panic to check
them. Waking out of a dead sleep at every gagging noise for fear they'll
choke on vomit. Then there's the sheer terror of thinking that you have to
send them out into the world. I die everytime I hear a news story about an
abducted or murdered child, because I see my childs face, and I immediately
feel that parents loss. I think the absolute worst part of being a parent
is the fear. No one ever told me about that, and I don't think I ever
would've understood, but every parent I talk to about it agrees, you spend
your life worrying/scared for your children.

Still, as I said, the positives FAR out-weigh the negatives, for me; YMMV.
It has been worth it to lose the partying, the freedom, the sleep, the
peace of mind, all for the love of my children, and the happiness the give


              From: "B.K. DeLong" <>
                     09/12/00 03:54 PM
              Subject: Re: There They Go, Bad-Mouthing Divorce Again

At 03:40 PM 09/12/2000 -0400, you wrote:
> > I am new to the list....and am a tech dude....
> >
> > But, loved this thread... Am contemplating marriage... And this is
> > scaring the living crap out of me :-)
> >

Roddy Wrote:
>I've heard it is said that life doesn't really change until you add the
>little ones. Is it for good (as in positive!), for bad, or for the status

Speaking of "scaring the crap out of..." while I am in a wonderful marriage
right now and want kids in a few years....I have absolutely no clue how I'm
going to fit them in. I have a wonderful, flexible job....a decent house
but I still can barely find time for the things that need to get done. And
with kids it's going to get 10 times as worse? And I'm potentially going to
lose a big chunk or "me" time which already hardly exists. I'm beginning to
wonder how parents do it without their children being absolutely
undeveloped and psycho.

B.K. DeLong
Research Lead
ZOT Group

617.542.5335 ext. 204

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