From: Jeff Bone (email@example.com)
Date: Fri Sep 22 2000 - 16:13:30 PDT
Just remember: it's not too late until you actually say "I do." Leaving at
the altar is usually a chick schtick, but don't be proud; men can play that
card too. In fact, even after "I do," it's still not too late. It's never
too late to say "no, I am *not* going to go against my genetic hardwiring
towards relationships with females and commit my life, my fate, my sexual
happiness, my free time, and all my worldly possessions to someone who will
smother me, attempt to control me, nitpick me to death, bore me with endless
details about her angst over buying *that* pair of Manolo Blanik shoes she's
had her eyes on, drive away all my friends, attempt to change me in ways I
don't need or want to be changed and who, furthermore, is more likely to
murder me than anyone else, or, best outcome, eventually financially and
emotionally rape me and leave me roadside to die in midlife." On the other
hand, all great divorces have to begin in marriage, one should be optimistic.
You might as well just drop by the doctor's office on the way to the chapel
and (a) get yourself neutered, and (b) get a lifetime prescription to
Prozac. You're gonna need it. LOTS of it. Don't forget to say goodbye to
all your single buddies who come to the wedding, because you are NEVER, EVER
going to see them again.
If you change your mind, drop me a line --- we can go hit a "Seduce and
Destroy" seminar together or something. I hear they book them so that they
run concurrently with flight attendant and lingerie model conferences.
Seriously, though, congratulations! (That's actually sincere.)
Tony Berkman wrote:
> For anyone on this list who might be wondering, and after considerable
> thought due to the many poignant and disparate posts on the marriage
> thread, I decided to ask Cindy to marry me. She said yes. The dog seems
> cool with the whole thing - my grandmother even cooler....
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Fri Sep 22 2000 - 16:11:41 PDT