Q: What does a Computer Age Casanova do?
A: Enter and Escape.
-- by Dilip Raote, New Delhi
Two boys were being disorderly in class. So the teacher asked them to
stay after school hours and write their names 500 times. After five
minutes of writing, one of the boys burst into tears and said, ``It
isn't fair, his name is Ram and my name is Ventakeshwaran''.
-- by Dilip Jose Jabalpur
A man went to see a doctor and after being prescribed some medicines,
he asked nervously, ``Doctor, will it have any reaction.'' The doctor
replied, ``You are talking of reaction, it will have no action.''
Maid: Oh, Madam, I'm very sorry, the twins have fallen down the well.
Mother: Oh dear! Just rush to the library and get me Modern Mother's
Magazine. It contains an article on how to bring up children.
"I fear that the man I gave job to is dishonest."
"But you shouldn't judge by appearance!"
"I'm not. I'm judging by disappearance in this case."
A men was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and
joined the army. ``But, wait a minute,'' said the listener, ``She'll
have to dress with the boys and shower with them too.Won't she?''
``Sure,'' said the man.
``Well, won't they find out?''
The man shrugged. ``But who'll tell?''
-- by R.Lakshmi, Calcutta
Rashmi: Do you know how to make a little money go a long, long way?
Meeta: No. Tell me how?
Rashmi: Simple, mail a rupee to Australia.
-- by Neelam Vaney, New Delhi
Ram: I read so much about the ill effects of smoking that I gave up.
Shyam: Good that you gave up smoking.
Ram: Don't be silly. I gave up reading.
-- by V.V.S.Mani, Mumbai
Banker: A person who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and
wants it back the minute it rains.
Pessimist: Someone who can look at the land of milk and honey and see
only calories and cholesterol.
-- by P.C.Shreeram, Mysore
Q: What is the new name of Tyson?
A: It's Bite-son.
-- by P.C.Shreeram, Mysore
A arrogant old man named Seshan,
Ever on the look out to create a sensation.
Claimed all politicians were his dost,
As he contested for the President's post.
-- by Manmeet Singh, Hubli
Q: The man who remains always sad?
-- by Navin Aggarwal, Hodal
If two people on the same job agree all the time, then one is useless.
If they disagree all the time, then both are useless.
Teacher: Children who watch TV every night will go down in History, as
well as Maths, Geography and Science.
-- by Arun Adlakha, Karnal
Laloo's prayer before he surrendered:
Twinkle, twinkle my star,
Before I go behind the bar.
I hate words like -- Oh, alas!
Get me rid of this Biswas.
-- by Minhaj, New Delhi
Notes (not in any particular order):
1) T. N. Seshan is the ex-Chief Election Commissioner, the terror and
scourge of corrupt politicians, who cleaned-up the rigged election
system that Indian democracy was (still is?), and later tried to run for
President (and lost).
2) Pankaj-Udas (actually spelt Udhas) is a singer of mostly melancholic
songs (sounds like country & westers?). His last name, Udhas, is a pun
on a Hindi word meaning 'sad'.
3) Laloo is Laloo Prasad Yadav, the embattled Chief Minister of Bihar,
one of the most corrupt states in the country. He is in 'custody' having
been accused of embezzling funds from the treasury. He made his
illeterate wife the chief minister in his stead and currently rules
Bihar by proxy. Mr. Biswas is the person in charge of the investigation
into the embezzlement.
I know the day it happens. On August 29, 1997 it's going to feel pretty
fucking real to you too. Anybody not wearing two million sun block is
going to have a real bad day. Get it?
-- Terminator 2