The day computers died - Y2k humor

Ernest Prabhakar (prabhaka@apple.com)
Fri, 22 Oct 1999 12:49:23 -0700


Apologies if this was posted in my absence. It seems pretty
topical, so I assume it was disseminated recently. I don't know if
the Dave below is the author or just a primary forwarder.

I have to admit, I wasn't that impressed with Saga Begins. True, it
was a notable achievement to cram the entire movie into one song,
but it wasn't a great parody of American Pie, nor a great movie
parody at the level of 'Yoda'.

But this... I must admit, this is probably even better than The Day
NeXTStep died, both as song parody and as a commentary on the
computer industry. The use of MS for the 'courtroom was adjourned'
was truly inspiring. As was Dick Clark laughing with delight...

-- Ernie P.

P.S. Luddites should be capitalized. :-)

> This is supposed to be "sung" to American Pie by Don McLean.

A long, long time ago... I can still remember how Computers
used to make me smile.

And I knew if I had my chance, That I could make electrons
dance, And maybe I'd be happy for a while.

But January made me shiver, it chilled me deep down in my
liver, Bad news I'd collected... I couldn't get connected.

I can't remember back that day when I first knew the Y2K.
But something touched me anyway, The day computers died.

Bye, bye to a digit of Pi, Ran my PC on some DC but the
voltage was dry, And good ol' boys were sending e-mail
replies saying, "this will be the day I retire, this will
be the day I retire."

Can you write in C plus plus? And do you have faith in your
local bus; If the driver tells you so?

Do you believe in Compaq's goals? Can software save your
mortal soul? And can you teach me how to type real slow?

Well I thought that you were prepared, 'Cause your memo
said you weren't impaired. Your stationery's swell - but
nothing else has gone well

I was a lonely teenage Unix hack, With an incantation and a
modem jack, but I knew the cat had left the sack The day
computers died.

I started singin'...

Bye, bye to a digit of Pi, Ran my PC on some DC but the
voltage was dry, And good ol' boys were sending e-mail
replies saying, "this will be the day I retire, this will
be the day I retire."

Now for 10 years we've ignored the threat, And we haven't
solved the problem yet! But that's not how it used to be...

When the luddites read for the king and queen with a light
they filled with kerosene And some manuals they stole from
you and me

And while Bill Gates was looking pleased, The gov't stole
his monopolies. The courtroom was adjourned, No verdict was
returned.

While Apple tried a color scheme, the engineers returned to
steam, and we had purges of their dreams, the day computers
died

We were singin'

Bye, bye to a digit of Pi, Ran my PC on some DC but the
voltage was dry, And good ol' boys were sending e-mail
replies saying, "this will be the day I retire, this will
be the day I retire."

Intel inside in an iron smelter, some food leftover from my
fallout shelter - Twinkies old and aging fast

While Macs were prepared for Y2k, Wintel never prepared for
the day, and now that time is upon us.

Now the timeshare net was running Doom, While mainframes
played a marching tune. We all tried to log in - Oh, but we
never could begin

'Cause Cobol tried to take the field, And Hollerith refused
to yield. Do you recall what was revealed, The day
computers died?

We started singing

Bye, bye to a digit of Pi, Ran my PC on some DC but the
voltage was dry, And good ol' boys were sending e-mail
replies saying, "this will be the day I retire, this will
be the day I retire."

There we were all in a state. A generation - really late.
With no time left to start again

So come on mouse be nimble, mouse be quick! Please let my
spreadsheet entry stick, 'cause data is the devil's only
friend.

As I watched him on my screen My hands and face were
drenched in steam, No angel born in hell Could run that
stupid shell!

And as the ball climbed high into the night to call the
sacrificial night, I saw Dick Clark laughing with delight,
the day computers died.

I met a girl with a cell phone and I asked her for a dial
tone, but she just smiled and turned away

I went down to the software store where I'd seen computers
years before, but the man there said the games there
wouldn't play

And in the streets the children screamed, The lovers cried
and the poets dreamed, their interface was spoken, the
Internet was broken.

And the three things I connect to most - The web site, LAN
and the Network host... Every single one was toast, The day
computers died

They were singin'

Bye, bye to a digit of Pi, Ran my PC on some DC but the
voltage was dry, And good ol' boys were sending e-mail
replies saying, "this will be the day I retire, this will
be the day I retire."

Dave Bry
Technician/Technical Writer
South City Honda/Elk Grove Honda
Elk Grove, California (Northern), USA

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