Taking a chance - new humor bits or old?

I Find Karma (adam@cs.caltech.edu)
Fri, 9 Feb 96 22:17:00 PST

Microsoft Announces New CD_ROM Software to Aid Consumers In Suing Itself

(REDMOND, WA.) In an effort to make it easier for computer users
everywhere to file a law suit against itself, Microsoft Corporation
today announced Microsoft Litigation '96, a multimedia reference library
complete with 139 frequently used legal writs, briefs, templates and
forms which are accessible from within other programs with a single

With this handy tool, a user will be able to combine elements of the
popular Microsoft Office and Microsoft Office Professional desktop
productivity suites in conjunction with the Litigation '96 CD-ROM
package to quickly and efficiently bring suit against Microsoft for a
variety of reasons, whether legitimate or frivolous.

What is new this year:

Litigation Builder
Located on the QuickSuit information retrieval toolbar, Litigation
Builder provides instant access to an enormous variety of case law and
civil code from within any program on the Windows platform.

Suit Wizards (tm)
Suit Wizards (tm) guide the user through the many mazes of 'legalese'
required to bring suit against Microsoft, whether in city, county,
state, Federal, Appellate, or Supreme Court. Localized versions of
Litigation '96 will provide for the equivalent of lawsuits in any
nations' format.

Year in Review
The Year in Review section highlights lawsuits, findings, settlements and
other legal events of the past year which affect Microsoft, including the
Justice Department suit, Judge Sporkin's refusal to approve the settlement
and the Stacker suit.

All New Forms
View more than 650 legal templates and forms from around the world, 930
country -specific case law findings, and 180 bar associations. Also
click a latin legal term to hear it pronounced. Nothing could make it
easier for a non-lawyer to bring suit against Microsoft.

More Multimedia Elements
Litigation '96 contains all new video for a total of 45 clips, 150 new
audio clips for a total of five hours of sound, and 550 new images for
a total of 3,000 pictures. The law dictionary contains more than 80,000
spoken pronunciations (the feature can be turned off if desired).