Re: Whoops.

John Klassa (
Mon, 12 Feb 1996 09:12:42 -0500

[what he said vs. what he meant... all in fun...]

> Dear Mr. Rifkin

Dear trademark-infringing bastard

> I'm a trademark attorney here at Microsoft. I hate to "make a federal

I'm a weasel, and I've been paid lots of money by other weasels like
my Uncle Bill to go around harrassing people for no good reason. It's
nothing personal, you understand.

> case out of it" but we've noticed that you have a section of a web
> page on a Caltech server called "Adam Rifkin's Cinemania". I'm sure you

I love^H^H^H^Hhate to be a jerk, but it comes naturally. We've caught
you red-handed using a word that anybody might dream up. However, we
got to it first and we've got lots of money, so back off.

> mean no harm but CINEMANIA is a trademark of Microsoft, both for
> software and on line services currently available on MSN.

We own words now. Forget your own creative instincts. We own them too.

> Unfortunately, as a trademark owner, Microsoft must take reasonable
> steps to police misuse of its mark so I'm asking you to choose a new
> name for the movie section of your web page. We don't want to cause

We have to be jerks. It's how we got rich.

> any unnecessary inconvenience so please let me know how long it will
> take you to make the change. Your cooperation is appreciated and we
> apologize for any inconvenience.

We're sorry that we're jerks. We just are. We're threatened by
grad students who make no money. It makes us feel bad for charging
so much for what we do.

Have a nice day.