This is going around.

Tim Byars (
Wed, 20 Mar 1996 09:03:10 -0800

Like the sex chanin letter this is probably going to get to you. Remember
to say you saw it on FoRK first.

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
trying to retrieve the gerbil," Vito Bustone told bemused doctors in the
severe burns unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Bustone, and his homosexual
partner Kiki Rodriguez, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a
felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up
his rectum and slipped Faggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual,
Kiki shouted out `Armageddon', my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to
retrieve Faggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube
and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a hushed
press conference, a hosptial spokesman described what happened next. "The
match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot up the tube,
igniting Mr. Bustone's moustache and severely burning his face. It also set
fire to the gerbil's fur and wiskers which, in turn, ignited a larger
pocket of gas farther up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a
cannonball." Bustone suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from
the impact of the gerbil, while Rodriguez suffered first and second degree
burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. Sheriff Hugo Root later told
reporters, "It's Faggot I feel sorry for. Being stuffed up some queen's
tradesman's entrance..."


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