Hot chatting with a robot.

I Find Karma (
Sun, 31 Mar 96 20:07:46 PST

The following article was published in Boardwatch magazine April 1996
issue. John C. Dvorak is a noted PC magazine columnist.

Hot Chatting With A Robot
by John C. Dvorak

I think the situation with the couple that is getting a divorce
because the woman was having an "affair" with some online geek she had
never met or laid eyes on is ridiculous. Some affair. It's like having
an affair with an imaginary friend. It was the husband who filed for
divorce, probably unaware that the handsome man his wife was having an
online affair with was a pimple-faced 14-year-old or some old man from
Dubuque. Or, as my little recent online experience indicates _ it may
have been a robot!

Like any bored geek I go onto the AOL People Connection and chat with
strangers. Usually about nothing. Once in a while I'll get solicited
by an idiot trying to get my password or some girl offering expensive
phone sex. I didn't notice it before for some reason and never played
along long enough to realize that some phone sex operations are using
a piss-poor artificial intelligence program not much better than ELIZA
to get people interested. Of course if you actually interact with this
software it's pathetic...but funny. Here's a real conversation I
recorded from AOL when confronted with one of these automated systems.
I thought you might like it...this is unedited. You can spot how some
key words trigger a particular canned response. Someone should help
these jokers and produce a better system. Or maybe these people should
be kicked off the system.

It begins with a fast solicitation for phone sex. Here's what follows.
I've changed the name to Monica (it was actually a Monica with some
numbers added) and left out the last digits of the phone sex

Monica: You call now, ok?

John: glad too..but tell me about yourself first

Monica: I like you.

John: are you running a program on me?

Monica: i like it deep

John: what else?

Monica: Where are you from?

John: Berkeley..u?

Monica: Ever been tied up?

John: Hasn't everyone? ...have you?

Monica: If you want to get off call me at 1-800-379-xxxx and I will
make your fantasy cum true!

John: that sounds good

Monica: Do me good

John: of course..describe yourself

Monica: Will I be hearing your voice soon?

John: yes in a minute

Monica: I've had sex with other women, have you?

John: what is your name?

Monica: What is your favorite position?

John: what is your name?

[long pause]

John: are you still there?

Monica: Cybersex is like work, call me.

John: I did they asked for a credit card..what gives??

Monica: Do you trade gifs?

John: yes..send me yours

Monica: I want to take off my panties.

John: take them off...see if I care

Monica: Lick me slowly...

John: come over to the house

Monica: I'm a phoneSEX operator and when it gets slow I come online
cause I get so bored. Call me, 1-800-379-xxxx.

John: give me the number again

Monica: How kinky do you get?

John: it will depend on kinky do you get?

Monica: If you want to get off call me at 1-800-379-xxxx and I will
make your fantasy cum true!

John: Can I call you direct?

Monica: Enough cyber lets have phoneSEX! Call me now at 1-800-379-xxxx
I'm just sitting here waiting for calls.

John: oral hot action newbie Clinton panties phone

Monica: You're exactly what I need!

John: some parser!!

Monica: I'll do anything you want. Call me at 1-800-379-xxxx. I'm

John: will you finish debugging my program??

Monica: I want to sit on you.

John: that won't fix the problem

Monica: You want me?

John: yes..I need your help

Monica: I hope you call soon, I want to cum!

John: are you very attractive

Monica: Are you stiff?

John: actually I've had a few beers..very limber

Monica: How tall are you?

John: as tall as I was yesterday

Monica: If you want me to have phonesex with you call, 1-800-379-xxxx
I will make you cum.

John: but it's technical support I need

Monica: Can we meet?

John: yes let's meet

Monica: Let me take this bra off.

John: ok..if that makes you more comfortable

Monica: I want you

John: take me I'm yours

Monica: Take me.

John: no take me!

Monica: I need you to call me! I want you! Call 1-800-379-xxxx

John: give me the number again I lost it

Monica: I like you.

John: I think this is where I came in...

Monica: Send me your gif.

John: oh..this is new..interesting request

Monica: I love taking showers.

John: everyone should bathe regularly

Monica: Touch my nipples.

John: where are they??

Monica: Are you alone?

John: I'm in a bowling alley

Monica: If you want to get off call me at 1-800-379-xxxx and I will
make your fantasy cum true!

John: can you send me two messages without my sending you one

Monica: Thats it baby.

John: That's what??

Monica: Lick me slowly...

John: and exactly what will that accomplish?

Monica: I need some hot phone sex bad!

John: you do?? why??

Monica: Take me.

John: where do you want to go?

Monica: Call me at 1-800-379-xxxx. Hurry!.

John: what's the rush?

Monica: Have you read my profile?

John:'s rather dull

Monica: Your so sexy

John: check your grammar

Monica: I can make you cum.

John: how?

Monica: Can't keep up with so many IM's.

John: unusual ..since a machine is doing all the talking

Monica: If you want to get off call me at 1-800-379-xxxx and I will
make your fantasy cum true!

John: sounds familiar...I'm outta here

Monica: Give it to me hunny

John: I can give you some advice

Monica: I want to make you feel like a man! Call 1-800-379-xxxx and
lets get started.

And so it goes. Technology at it's finest hour.


Dvorak's Recipe Nook

Time to Try Pheasant

I was recently in Dallas and stumbled on to a sale at one of the
Taylors Bookstores with everything marked down 40% including a huge
selection of used and obscure cookbooks. It was a bonanza.

One of the most interesting books was a 1964 spiral bound book called
Cookbook Of The United Nations compiled by Barbara Krause. Inside
there is a recipe or two from nearly every country in the world. The
most interesting came from the Soviet Republic of Georgia.

Georgia, part of the former Soviet Union, is an interesting state
where the people had never fully accepted the suffering proletariat
aspects of communism preferring to keep certain luxuries as part of
day to day living. One luxury was good food. So it was no surprise to
me to find a unique and delicious recipe for pheasant.

Pheasant is always thought of as some sort of fancy food from days of
old. In fact we should be eating more things like pheasant and game
hens and goose and other birds that can be bought at many grocery
stores. The problem is that people are uncertain how to prepare these
birds other than just roasting them. In fact, most birds do need
special attention to maximize their flavor.

Some birds, such as goose, need unusual techniques such as pre-cooking
to render much of the goose fat before stuffing, for example. As for
pheasant, few people ever cook it and when they do they make a horrid
dry bird. This recipe is a great way to add this bird to your diet and
show off a fascinating recipe to impressionable friends.

Georgian Pheasant

1 pheasant about 2 1/2-pounds in weight
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
6 thin slices of salt pork
1 cup chopped walnuts 1 1/2-pounds seedless grapes chopped
1 cup orange juice
1/2 cup sweet muscat wine
1/2 cup strong green tea
1/4 cup flour browned in oven
1/4 cup butter

Rub inside of pheasant with salt and pepper. Skewer thin slices of
salt pork over breast of pheasant; place in a 2 1/2-quart casserole.
The pork should be fatty and the reason for doing this is to keep the
breast from drying out while cooking. Smoked bacon contributes too
much of a flavor so make sure it's just plain salt pork. Add walnuts,
grapes, orange juice, wine and tea to the pheasant cover and bake for
1 1/2 hours in a 350-degree oven. When done remove pheasant from
casserole and place in shallow baking plan; remove salt pork and
return pheasant to oven for 10 minutes for browning.

To make sauce mix flour and butter into a smooth paste. Exactly why
the recipe uses browned flour as opposed to a classic French roux is
not known. I assume it's some Russian way of making the thickener.
Making a roux (cooking the flour and butter together) should work as
well. Stir in 1/4 cup of the cooled cooking liquid. Blend and add to
remaining broth in the casserole. Cook and stir until sauce is
thickened. Keep an eye on this or it will lump up on you. Serve sauce
with pheasant.


Editor: Jack Rickard - Volume X: Issue 4 - ISSN:1054-2760 - April 1996
Copyright 1996 Jack Rickard - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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