If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to
dinner
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
If Dilbert is your hero
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says
CONCENTRATE
If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the
decimal point in the right place
If the best part of Christmas is putting together the kids' toys
If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other
than hanging coats and taping ducts
If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one
to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the
latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a
test that actually takes five minutes to run
If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage
door opener and your camera's flash attachment
If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
If you own "Official Star Trek" anything
If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's
inside
If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the
antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair
project
If you are currently gathering the components to build your own
nuclear reactor
If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
If you have never backed-up your hard drive
If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing
games, but are afraid to say it out loud
If you truly believe aliens are living among us
If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
If you see a good design and still have to change it
If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your
questions
If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never
enters
your mind
If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't
remember where they are
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your
automobile tires
If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster
you own turns bread into charcoal
If you have more toys than your kids
If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they
work
If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you
rush up to the front to fix it
If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery
channel and have seen most of the shows already
If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know
what RPN stands for
If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color
TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you
grew up thinking that was normal
If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what
size screw driver to use
If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own
handwriting
If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time
this week
If you did the sound system for your senior prom
If your checkbook always balances
If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission
controllers
If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they
didn't get enough sleep
If you spend more on your home computer than your car
If you know what http:// stands for
If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in
your garage
If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to
explain atmospheric absorption theory
If your lap-top computer costs more than your car
If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar
4. Chocolate
--There are no incurable ills | There are no believable Gods There are no unkillable thrills | There are no unreachable goals There are no unbeatable odds | There are no unsaveable souls . . Osbourne e-mail tbyars@cris.com
----------------------------- tbyars@cris.com --------------------------------