Guide to translating apartment ads.

I Find Karma (
Tue, 30 Apr 96 14:42:54 PDT

The Complete Guide to Deciphering Apartment Ads
- from a post by Justine Ehlers
What They Say What It Means
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spacious hole in the wall
to anyone living in their car
that's why we're charging $200 above the going rate

easy access to Particularly in Mountain View and Sunnyvale, this
transportation can mean:
(a) in the flight path of Moffet Field
(b) next to the railroad tracks
(c) next to a major road/freeway/highway
(d) a&b, b&c, a&c above
(e) all of the above

friendly staff Doberman pincher mentality

free utilities That's the only way we can entice people in this dump.
Would you pay THIS rent AND the water & garbage?

heated pool only when the sun's out
only when there's water in it

great views reach out and touch your neighbor!
overlooking the garbage dumpster
overlooking the pool
overlooking the cute guys/gals apartment

affordable to:
(a) anyone with an income of $100 K
(b) anyone with wealthy parents
(c) anyone who is wealthy
(d) anyone who wants to spend $$$ on housing

pets welcome kids aren't
we just never got the odor out

AEK All Electricity Kancelled

W/D Will be Disgusted
Worried/Depressed people

AC Atrocious Carpeting

WWC Wall to Wall Crap

great rent bargains! located in East Palo Alto
(Your insurance will not cover bullet holes in car, self
-protection devices, frequent theft &/or life insurance)

light and airy built as cheap as we could
cold and drafty

secure parking the manager's apartment overlooks the parking lot
"No one's been robbed on the street."
covered parking

move in bonus! no one else wants it
it hasn't been rented in six months
includes last tenant's stuffed parrot

rustic classic 60's decor
nothing has been fixed since the Loma Prieta earthquake
outhouse is in the back
only one heating vent