The most common hoax promoted the false concept that light bulbs
emitted light; in actuality these 'light' bulbs absorb DARK, which
is then transported back to the power generation stations via wire
networks. A more descriptive name has now been coined; the new
scientific name for the device is DARKSUCKER.
This newsletter introduces a brief synopsis of the darksucker theory,
which proves the existence of dark and establishes the fact that dark
has great mass, and further, that the dark particle (anti-photon) is
the fastest known particle in the universe. Apparently, even the
celebrated Dr. Albert Einstein did not suspect the truth...that just as
COLD is the absence of HEAT, LIGHT is actually the ABSENCE of DARK....
scientists have now proven that light does not really exist!
The basis of the darksucker theory is that electric light bulbs suck
dark. Take for example, the darksuckers in the room where you are
right now. There is much less dark right next to the darksuckers than
there is elsewhere, demonstrating their limited range. The larger the
darksucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Darksuckers in a
parking lot or on a football field have a much greater capacity than
the ones used in the home, for example.
It may come as a surprise to learn that darksuckers also operate on a
celestial scale; witness the Sun. Our Sun makes use of dense dark,
sucking it in from all the planets and intervening dark space.
Naturally, the Sun is better able to suck dark from the planets which
are situated closer to it, thus explaining why those planets appear
brighter than do those which are far distant from the Sun.
Occassionally, the Sun actually oversucks; under those conditions, dark
spots appear on the surface of the Sun. Scientists have long studied
these 'sunspots' and are only recently beginning to realize that the
dark spots represent leaks of high pressure dark because the Sun has
oversucked dark to such an extent that some dark actually leaks back
into space. This leakage of high pressure dark frequently causes
problems with radio communications here on Earth due to collisions
between the dark particles as they stream out into space at high
velocities via the black 'holes' in the surface of the Sun.
As with all manmade devices, darksuckers have a finite lifetime caused
by the fact that they are not 100% efficient at transmitting collected
dark back to the power company via the wires from your home, causing
dark to build up slowly within the device. Once they are full of
accumulated dark, they can no longer suck. This condition can be
observed by looking for the black spot on a full darksucker when it has
reached maximum capacity of untransmitted dark...you have surely
noticed that dark completely surrounds a full darksucker because it no
longer has the capacity to suck any dark at all.
A candle is a primitive darksucker. A new candle has a white wick.
You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black,
representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a
pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black
because it gets in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. It is
of no use to plug a candle into an electrical outlet; it can only
collect dark...it has no transmission capabilities. Unfortunately,
these primitive darksuckers have a very limited range and are hazardous
to operate because of the intense heat produced.
There are also portable darksuckers called flashlights. The bulbs in
these devices collect dark which is passed to a dark storage unit
called a battery. When the dark storage unit is full, it must be
either emptied (a process called 'recharging') or replaced before the
portable darksucker can continue to operate. If you break open a
battery, you will find dense black dark inside, evidence that it is
actually a compact dark storage unit.
The darksuckers on your automobile are high capacity units with great
range, thus they require much larger dark storage units mounted under
the hood of the vehicle. Since there is far more dark available in the
winter season, automobile dark storage units reach capacity more
frequently than they do in the summer, requiring 'recharging', or in
severe cases, total replacement.
Dark has great mass. When dark is drawn into a darksucker, friction
caused by the speed and mass of the dark particles (called anti-
photons) actually generates substantial heat, thus it is unwise to
touch an operating dark sucker. Candles represent a special problem,
as the dark must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear
glass. This generates a great amount of heat, making it very dangerous
to touch an operating candle.
Because dark has such great mass, it is very heavy. If you swim just
below the surface of a lake, you see a lot of 'light' (absence of dark,
to be more precise). As you go deeper and deeper beneath the surface,
you will notice that it gets darker and darker. When you reach a depth
of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is
because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake, making it
appear 'lighter' near the surface.
The power companies have learned to use the dark which has settled to
the bottom of lakes and rivers by pushing it through turbines, which
generates the electricity used to pump the dark toward the ocean where
it may be safely stored for their devious purposes.
Prior to the development of turbines, it was much more difficult to get
the dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The Indians
recognized this problem, and developed means to assist the flow of dark
on it's long journey to the ocean. When on a river in a canoe
travelling in the same direction as the flow of dark, they paddled
slowly, so as not to impede the flow of dark; but when they travelled
against the flow of dark, they paddled vigorously to help propel the
dark along its way.
Scientists are working feverishly to develop exotic new instrumentation
with which to measure the actual speed and energy level of dark. While
such instrumentation is beyond the capabilities of the average layman,
you can actually perform a test to demonstrate the unbelievable speed
of dark, right in your own home.
All that is required for the simple test is a closed desk drawer
situated in a bright room. You know from past experience that the
tightly shut drawer is FULL of dark. Now, place your hand firmly on
the drawer's handle. Quickly yank the drawer open...the dark
immediately disappears, demonstrating the blinding speed with which the
dark travels to the nearest darksucker!
The secrets of dark are at present known only to the power companies.
Dark must be very valuable, since they go to such lengths to collect it
in vast quantitites. By some well hidden method, more modern power
'generation' facilities have devised methods to hide their collection
of dark. The older facilities, however, usually have gargantuan piles
of solidified dark in huge fenced in areas. Visitors to these
facilities are told that the huge black piles of material are supplies
of coal, but such is not the case.
The power companies have long used secret acronyms to disguise their
activites; 'D.C.' stands for 'Dark Conspiracy', while 'A.C.' is
suspected to represent the 'Alternate Conspiracy' which will most
likely be used exclusively once the secrets of D.C. are totally
understood. D.C. is rapidly yielding it's secrets to the probing eyes
and instruments of honest scientists around the world. The U.S.
Attorney General is considering action to be taken against the power
companies for the theft and stockpiling of dark from 'consumers'. New
developments are being announced every day and we promise to keep the
public informed of these announcements as they occur via this
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. ...Albert Einstein -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- email@example.com