[humorix] Finally, A Solution To The DMCA!
Tue, 28 Aug 2001 10:09:10 -0800
*chuckles* hey... this might work...
>Finally, A Solution To The DMCA!
>August 23, 2001
>For years, the geek community has been at the wrong end of
>the War on Piracy waged by Hollywood lawyers. The
>situation could change, however, with the unveiling of a
>secret weapon -- "The First Church Of Digital Grepping".
>This newly created church argues that copying digital
>information is a form of religious worship. As such, it's
>protected in the US by the freedom of religion clause in
>the First Amendment.
>"Rock beats scissors. And Free Exercise of Religion beats
>Digital Millennium Copyright Act(tm). Ha ha, suckers!"
>said the church's High Priest.
>Chapter 16, Verse 256 of the Sacred Readme of the First
>Church Of Digital Grepping states:
> On the first day, the Great Programmer created a new
> text file and the Universe was born.
> The Great Programmer flexed his fingers, started
> hacking, and entered Deep Hack Mode.
> First He wrote universe.c. Then sys/laws_of_physics.h
> and universal_constants.h. The Great Programmer
> continued his Hacking Binge into the second day with
> sol.c, which begat terra.c, which begat land_and_sea.c,
> which laid the foundation for the creation of life.c.
> On the third day, He gazed upon his Program and saw that
> it was good. More he produced: prokaryotes.c,
> eukaryotes.c, sys/dna.h, invertebrates.c, vertebrates.c.
> On the fourth day, the Great Programmer, against his
> better judgement, coded mankind.c.
> On the fifth day, He compiled his work, and received
> 1,024 errors.
> On the sixth day, He debugged.
> On the seventh day, He continued to debug. Rest is for
> the weak.
> On the eight day, the debugging continued. Only 128
> compiler warnings did He now receive.
> On the ninth day, the program compiled correctly. Upon
> execution, it immediately coredumped.
> On the tenth day, The Great Programmer debugged.
> On the eleventh day, He debugged.
> On the twelfth day, He waved a dead chicken, but the
> Great Program continued to segfault.
> On the thirteenth day, He discovered the fatal flaw, a
> misplaced comma He did find. And then void main()
> executed, and the Big Bang did occur.
> Then the Great Programmer leaned back in his executive
> chair, and gazed upon the newborn Universe.
> And frowned. He knew those sentient humans would be a
> problem. Even after He had sweated over a hot terminal
> for thirteen days, those humans were ungrateful. They
> called their place of existence the "Universe", not the
> "Great Programmer/Universe".
> On the fourteenth day, he decided to take action. He
> would send these humans The Meaning Of Life, and soon
> the world would worship Him and his Hacking Skills.
> He did just that. He inspired a certain human to
> produce a work of art which includes His message, The
> Meaning Of Life. Eventually the humans would discover
> the .plan of the Great Programmer hidden in a certain
> work of art and all would be well...
>The Sacred Readme is a tad vague, but the church's High
>Priest believes that "The Meaning Of Life" is encoded in
>either a popular song, or a Hollywood movie, or an Adobe
>"If only we could figure out which 'work of art' the Sacred
>Readme refers to, and then grep through the binary
>representation to extract the divine message," the High
>"The mission of the church is to make digital copies of
>every music CD, every movie DVD, and every printed book and
>then grep the digital version for any tell-tale signs of
>'The Meaning Of Life'."
>"Our church cannot function if the DMCA prohibits us from
>making copies as part of the Fair Use Doctrine. We worship
>the Great Programmer by trying to discover His secret
>message. Why should we put the profits of Big Evil
>Corporations above the search for The Meaning Of Life?"
>Of course, the MPAA, RIAA, DVD-CCA, BSA, and other groups
>see things slightly differently.
>"This is all bull," said a MPAA spokesperson. "We didn't
>buy a slate of Congressmen to get the DMCA passed just so
>some fake parody religion could claim a bogus exemption!"
>An investigator for Oracle discovered a hand-written copy
>of the Sacred Readme while rummaging through the High
>Priest's trash cans. The P.I. believes that the holy
>document was actually written last Wednesday when the High
>Priest had a little too much to drink.
>The founder of the church stands his ground, however. "I
>wasn't drunk last Wednesday," he argues, "I was busy trying
>to find the divine message within a copy of 'Star Trek
>XXIII: We Promise This Movie Doesn't Include Any Annoying
>Characters Like Jar Jar Binks' on my big-screen projection
>TV. Needless to say, I came up empty."
>The judges in the California Sixth District Court of
>Appeals were all unavailable for comment at press time. -
>Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
>Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/