[humorix] Finally, A Solution To The DMCA!

carey carey@mail.tstonramp.com
Tue, 28 Aug 2001 10:09:10 -0800

*chuckles* hey... this might work... 

>Finally, A Solution To The DMCA!
>August 23, 2001
>For years, the geek community has been at the wrong end of
>the War on Piracy waged by Hollywood lawyers.  The
>situation could change, however, with the unveiling of a
>secret weapon -- "The First Church Of Digital Grepping".
>This newly created church argues that copying digital
>information is a form of religious worship.  As such, it's
>protected in the US by the freedom of religion clause in
>the First Amendment.
>"Rock beats scissors.  And Free Exercise of Religion beats
>Digital Millennium Copyright Act(tm).  Ha ha, suckers!"
>said the church's High Priest.
>Chapter 16, Verse 256 of the Sacred Readme of the First
>Church Of Digital Grepping  states:
>   On the first day, the Great Programmer created a new
>   text file and the Universe was born.
>   The Great Programmer flexed his fingers, started
>   hacking, and entered Deep Hack Mode.
>   First He wrote universe.c.  Then sys/laws_of_physics.h
>   and universal_constants.h.  The Great Programmer
>   continued his Hacking Binge into the second day  with
>   sol.c, which begat terra.c, which begat land_and_sea.c,
>   which laid the foundation for the creation of life.c.
>   On the third day, He gazed upon his Program and saw that
>   it was good.  More he produced: prokaryotes.c,
>   eukaryotes.c, sys/dna.h, invertebrates.c, vertebrates.c.
>   On the fourth day, the Great Programmer, against his
>   better judgement,  coded mankind.c.
>   On the fifth day, He compiled his work, and received
>   1,024 errors.
>   On the sixth day, He debugged.
>   On the seventh day, He continued to debug.  Rest is for
>   the weak.
>   On the eight day, the debugging continued.  Only 128
>   compiler warnings did He now receive.
>   On the ninth day, the program compiled correctly.  Upon
>   execution, it immediately coredumped.
>   On the tenth day, The Great Programmer debugged.
>   On the eleventh day, He debugged.
>   On the twelfth day, He waved a dead chicken, but the
>   Great Program continued to segfault.
>   On the thirteenth day, He discovered the fatal flaw, a
>   misplaced comma He did find.  And then void main()
>   executed, and the Big Bang did occur.
>   Then the Great Programmer leaned back in his executive
>   chair, and gazed upon the newborn Universe.
>   And frowned.  He knew those sentient humans would be a
>   problem. Even after He had sweated over a hot terminal
>   for thirteen days, those humans were ungrateful.  They
>   called their place of existence the "Universe", not the
>   "Great Programmer/Universe".
>   On the fourteenth day, he decided to take action.  He
>   would send these humans The Meaning Of Life, and soon
>   the world would worship Him and his Hacking Skills.
>   He did just that.  He inspired a certain human to
>   produce a work of art which includes His message, The
>   Meaning Of Life.  Eventually the humans would discover
>   the .plan of the Great Programmer hidden in a certain
>   work of art and all would be well...
>The Sacred Readme is a tad vague, but the church's High
>Priest believes that "The Meaning Of Life" is encoded in
>either a popular song, or a Hollywood movie, or an Adobe
>"If only we could figure out which 'work of art' the Sacred
>Readme refers to, and then grep through the binary
>representation to extract the divine message," the High
>Priest explains.
>"The mission of the church is to make digital copies of
>every music CD, every movie DVD, and every printed book and
>then grep the digital version for any tell-tale signs of
>'The Meaning Of Life'."
>"Our church cannot function if the DMCA prohibits us from
>making copies as part of the Fair Use Doctrine.  We worship
>the Great Programmer by trying to discover His secret
>message.  Why should we put the profits of Big Evil
>Corporations above the search for The Meaning Of Life?"
>Of course, the MPAA, RIAA, DVD-CCA, BSA, and other groups
>see things slightly differently.
>"This is all bull," said a MPAA spokesperson.  "We didn't
>buy a slate of Congressmen to get the DMCA passed just so
>some fake parody religion could claim a bogus exemption!"
>An investigator for Oracle discovered a hand-written copy
>of the Sacred Readme while rummaging through the High
>Priest's trash cans.  The P.I. believes that the holy
>document was actually written last Wednesday when the High
>Priest had a little too much to drink.
>The founder of the church stands his ground, however.  "I
>wasn't drunk last Wednesday," he argues, "I was busy trying
>to find the divine message within a copy of 'Star Trek
>XXIII: We Promise This Movie Doesn't Include Any Annoying
>Characters Like Jar Jar Binks' on my big-screen projection
>TV.  Needless to say, I came up empty."
>The judges in the California Sixth District Court of
>Appeals were all unavailable for comment at press time. -
>Humorix:      Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
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