Ashcroft, tits, Clinton and BSD

Russell Turpin
Mon, 28 Jan 2002 22:38:38 +0000

Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. You just don't get it. We liberals expect
our politicians to have a BSD. Hell, we demand it. The President
especially, since he's commander-in-chief. And the Attorney
General perhaps as much, since he is the nation's chief cop.
Once you grok that, you'll understand the press reaction to a
lot of events, including ones that really aren't all that
important. To help you keep score, here's how it goes, in BSD

(+2) Getting caught in an affair. Of course. You're an
important honcho. Even middle-aged geeks manage to get a
little on the side. Surely a President can do as well?

(-4) Lying about it. That's just plain cheesy.

(+3) Avoiding scandal while preserving your lovers'
reputation. JFK had it. Clinton blew it.

(+5) Getting the better of the press corp. Grover Cleveland,
on his second Presidential campaign, when the pressed raised
a question about the child he had fathered out of wedlock,
ended the discussion by asking, "Would you want a eunech for

(+6) Taking a bullet. Reagan. JFK. John Wayne. It doesn't
get more macho than that.

(-1) Leading your staff meetings with a prayer. What's
Ashcroft going to do next? Open a meeting on the captured
Al Queda by selling girlscout cookies for his daughter?

(-3) Covering naked statues. Men with BSD shouldn't be
afraid to have a naked tit in the background, aluminum or

(+1) Publicly joking about your own flaws. Bush has used
this one to good effect.

(+7) Winning a war. Bush practically has earned a second
honeymoon with the press, by scoring big on the BSD meter.

(-1) Destroying an aspirin factory, without achieving your
military objectives.

If you tally it up, you'll see that Clinton fucked up, earned
some points with his affairs, but then fucked up more. If
Clinton had killed bin Laden, fessed up to his affairs, and
had then been assassinated, even YOU would respect his BSD.
Bush has not missed a beat, so far. Ashcroft, on the other
hand, has his BSD score stuck in the negative territory. He
has to pull out a milk biscuit just to get some respect from
his dog. He should expect nothing but continued jokes and
taunting from the press, until he develops a spine.

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