More Ashcroft

Tom tomwhore at
Tue Apr 8 17:40:14 PDT 2003

Washington (IWR Satire) -  Attorney General John Ashcroft today shutdown
several popular Internet parody sites as part of a new crack down on
"terrorist" satire.

"We have been monitoring the anti-American lampoon sites "The Onion", "All
Hat and No Cattle" and "" for over 14 months now.  Not only
do these sick people mock our President, his policies, the First Lady and
our God, Jesus Christ, but they also mock me, my singing, my programs, my
bowling style and even my phobia of calico cats!

I mean, only a terrorist could be that cruel to torment a megalomaniac
like myself, but now, thanks to my keen foresight, these so-called
sardonic activities have been outlawed as part of the new wartime Patriot
Act III.

These sacrilegious punks think that poking fun at our Commander and Chief
or Vice President during war time is a first amendment right, but that's
where they are dead wrong.  The first amendment now only applies to
neoconservative Republicans!

If you want laughs, go to Rush Limbaugh's site.  Now there's a funny
guy!," said Mr. Ashcroft to a standing ovation from the Washington Press

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