[FUNNY] Daily Show Debate: Pres. Bush vs. Gov. Bush

Jeff Bone jbone at deepfile.com
Wed Apr 30 02:06:56 PDT 2003

John Stewart: <lead-in>  Now, since the beginning of all this weapons 
of mass destruction, regime change, pockets of resistance, targets of 
opportunity business, it's been difficult to have an honest discussion 
about the direction Pres. Bush is taking this country.  In fact, when 
you combine the new mandate that criticizing the commander and chief is 
off-limits in wartime with last year's official disbanding of the 
Democratic party, well we're left at an all-time low in the good 
old-fashion honest debate category.  Now I know you're thinking:  "but 
John, every time I want to have a calm, honest discussion about these 
kinds of issues I'm shouted down and harrassed by, uh, the Dixie Chicks 
and their ilk."

JS:  <continuing setup>  Well tonight it all changes.  We're going to 
have an honest, open debate between the President of the United States 
and the one man we believe has the insight and the cojones to stand up 
to him:  so first, joining us tonight George W. Bush, 43rd President of 
the United States, welcome Mr. President.

Pres:  Good evening I'm   pleased to take your questions tonight.

JS:  Well thank you very much sir, I'm pleased to ask them.  Taking the 
other side, joining us from the year 2000, Texas governor and 
Presidential candidate, George W. Bush.

Gov:  Good evening.

JS:  Thank you Governor.  Mr. President, you won the coin toss, the 
first question will go to you.  Why is the United States of America 
using its power to change governments in foreign countries?

Pres:  We must stand up for our security and for the permanent rights 
and the hopes of mankind.  The USA will make that stand.

JS:  Well certainly that represents a bold new doctrine in foreign 
policy, Mr. President.  Governor Bush, do you agree with that?

Gov:  I'm not so sure the role of the United States should be to go 
around the world and say "this is the way it's gotta be."

JS:  Alright, well that's interesting.  That's a difference of opinion, 
and certainly that's what this country is about, differences of 
opinion.  Mr. President, let me just get specific.  Why are we in Iraq?

Pres:  Well, umm...  we will be changing the regime of Iraq...  for the 
good of the Iraqi people.

JS:  Governor, then I'd like to hear your response on that.

Gov:  If we're an arrogant nation, then they'll resent us.  I think one 
way for us to end up being viewed as the Ugly American is to go around 
the world saying "we do it this way, so should you."

JS:  Well, that's an excellent point.  I don't think you can argue with 
that!  Mr. President, so is the idea to just build a new country that 
we like better?

Pres:  We will tear down the apparatus of terror, and we will help 
build a new Iraq that is prosperous and free.

Gov:  I don't think our troops ought to be used for what's called 
"nation building."

JS:  Well, that's fair enough, Governor, well, certainly you're 
entitled to that.  But then Gov., answer this:  how do you propose that 
we nation-build?  Would you use diplomacy?

Gov.  Let me say this:  I wouldn't use force.  I wouldn't use force.

Pres:  <shrugs, dumbfounded>

JS:  Well...  Mr. President, clearly you're skeptical of the governor.  
Now Gov., you sound categorically against the use of force.  In your 
time in Texas, what have you done to demonstrate your willingness to be 

Gov:  I've been standing up to Big Hollywood, Big Trial Lawyers... 
<trademark Shrub smirk>  Um, what was the question, it was about 
emergencies, wasn't it?  <Shrub frat smirk-giggle>

JS:  <laughs, then serious>  No.  No it wasn't.  Getting back to Iraq, 
Mr. President, you're as familiar with the Governor's record in Texas 
as anybody.  Are you willing, Mr. President, to trust Gov. Bush with 
our foreign policy?

Pres:  I am not willing to take that chance again, John.

JS:  Strong words from two very different men.  Now, as this debate 
draws to a close, I need to turn to the subject of money.  Much of this 
discussion on foreign policy is moot if we can't afford to pay for it. 
So we're running out of time, quickly, both of you, let's talk numbers.

Pres:  I'm sending the Congress a wartime supplemental appropriations 
request of $74.7 BILLION dollars, to fund needs directly arising from 
the Iraqi conflict.

JS:  $74.7 billion dollars appears to be within the realm of reason.  

Gov:  Obviously tonight we're going to hear some phony numbers about 
what I think and what we ought to do.  [jb?]

JS:  That's a little vituperative!  Well on that note I want to thank 
both George W. Bushes for taking part tonight, and keeping with our 
debate rules we will end our discussion with a trite and insincere 
farewell.  Mr. President, you are the most powerful man in the world, 
you can go first.

Pres:  <poker face>  Goodnight.  And may God continue to bless America.

JS:  Wow.  Incredibly insincere!  Governor, can you top that?

Gov:  <brow furrowed, sounding choked up, totally insincere>  Thanks... 
  Thanks from the bottom of my heart...

JS:  Nice.  Wow.

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