I got me three beers 'n a fist fulla downs, and I'm gonna get ripped, so fuck you clowns [was: the devil went down to ... ]

Joseph S Barrera III joe@barrera.org
Mon, 17 Mar 2003 10:44:13 -0800

Dave Long wrote [quoted]:
>> It looked like I was gonna be stuck here as far as I could tell I
>> thought I might as well suck up, you know, what the hell I said,
>> "You know that song that Charlie Daniels did About how you went
>> down to Georgia and played fiddle against that kid?" "Yeah", he
>> said "it broke my heart, but, you know, what are you gonna do?" 
>> "Well to tell you the truth I thought your solo was the better of
>> the two."

Hmm. Sounds like an incident based on the archetypal
prototypical quintesential Ur-myth of Tities and Beer,
as told by the epic poet Francisco Zappa:

"He had a red suit on, an' a widow's peak
An' then a pointed tail 'n like a sulphur reek
Yes, it was him awright, I swear I knowed it was
He had some human flesh stuck underneath his claws
You know it looked to me like it was titty skin
I said you "You sonofabitch" 'cause I was mad at him
Well he just got out the floss and started cleanin' his fang
So I shot him with my shooter, said "BANG BANG BANG"

"The sucker just laughed 'n said "Put it away . . .
You know I ate her all up . . .now what you gonna say?
You ate my Chrissy?
Titties 'n all!
What about the beer then?
Were the cans this tall?
Even her boots?
Would I lie to you?
Shit you musta been hungry!
Yes, this is true.
Don't they pay you good, for the stuff that you do?
I can't complain when the checks come through . . .
Well I want my Chrissy and I want my beer,
So you just barf it back up now devil, do you hear?
Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man, I mean I am the devil
Do you understand? Just what will you give me for your
  titties 'n beer?
I suppose you notice this little contract here?
Yer goddam right, you son of a whore
That's about the only reason I learned writin' for
Give me that paper, bet yer ass I will sign
'Cause I need a beer 'n it's titty squeezin' time!
You can't fool me man . . . You ain't that bad
I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls I had
Why there was Milhous Nixon ''n Agnew too . . .
N' both of those suckers was worse 'n you . . .
Well, let's make a deal if you think that's true.
I mean, you're the devil so whatcha gonna do?

(improvised dialog)

"No, don't sign it, give me time to think
I mean, hold on a minute, boy . . . that's
Magic Ink!
And then the devil he puked 'n out jumped m' girl
They heard the titties plop-ploppin'
All around the world she said :
I got me three beers 'n a fist fulla downs
And I'm gonna get ripped, so fuck you clowns

"And then she gave us the finger, it was rigid 'n stiff
That's when the devil he farted, an' she went right over the cliff
The devil was mad, I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there