[FoRK] Count your forks

Peter Kilby peterkilby at dsl.pipex.com
Tue Nov 2 12:09:50 PST 2004

A cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a 
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a 
young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses, YSL tie, 
leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how 
many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give
me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his 
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure why not?" The yuppie 
parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his 
AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the
Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an 
exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite 
that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man 
then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an 
image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he 
receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed 
and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC 
connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formula. He uploads 
all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few 
minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 
150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and 
finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and 

That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves, says the 
cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on 
amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly 
what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man 
thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

You're a John Kerry democrat consultant, says the cowboy. Wow! That's 
correct," says the yuppie. But how did you guess that? No guessing 
required, answered the cowboy.

You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid 
for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don't 
know anything about my

Now give me back my dog

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