[FoRK] Fwd: My Modest Proposal: The U.S.A.R.

Joseph S. Barrera III joe at barrera.org
Thu Nov 4 18:31:01 PST 2004


By C. B. Shapiro

I feel bad for the Red States.

Yes, they won the White House, Congress, the Supreme Court and most of 
the state houses. But they still can't have the country they really want 
because the last few Blue States won't roll over. So I am making a 
simple proposal:

Secession. Divorce. Splitsville.

Personally, I think we made a huge mistake not letting them go when we 
had the chance back in 1862. Well, no time like the present to correct 
an old mistake.

Then, they would finally be free to have the kind of society they've 
always wanted; church and state can be fused so they build the kind of 
theocracy they've dreamt of, with Jesus at the helm. Then the new USAR 
(United States of America Red) can ban books, repeal civil rights, 
persecute gays and have all the wars they like. They want prayer in 
schools? More power to them. They can ban abortion and post the Ten 
Commandments in every federal building in their country. Bring back 
slavery, if they want. We'll be free to live with our like-minded 
countrymen who believe in science, modernism, tolerance, religion as a 
personal choice, and truly want limited government intrusion in our 
personal lives. Why should each side be driven mad by the other any 
more, decade after decade?

Call the Culture War a tie and everyone go home.

Of course, we in the U.S.A.B. get the Gross Domestic Product, businesses 
and universities of California, New York, Massachussetts -- basically 
the whole Northeast and Northwest (plus Illinois and Michigan if they 
want to come along). They get Wal-Mart and Duke and most of the Nascar 
tracks. But they can feel free to import movies, TV shows, financial 
services, and defense technology. We'll import country music, bibles and 
Confederate flags.

The two countries will by necessity have open immigration policy: anyone 
who feels they are living in the wrong country can just move across the 
border, no questions asked.

Ultimately, why should I have to convince my fellow countrymen that 
Darwin may have had a point and that the word “liberal” is not 
equivalent to “godless communist?” And why should they be forced to live 
in a country with morally corrupt non-believers? I'll stay in the messy, 
free-thinking U.S.A.B. And to the U.S.A.R. I say…

God bless you all, and see you at the U.N

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