[FoRK] Conservative calendar girls

Cleopatra Von Ludwig rockfish at gmail.com
Wed Dec 22 10:56:37 PST 2004

That's nice. I was looking for some new fodder for target practice. Thanks!

On Wed, 22 Dec 2004 10:18:01 -0600, Jeff Bone <jbone at place.org> wrote:
> Of course uber-harpy Ann Coulter is representin'.  (IMHO they would've
> done better to pick the not-as-funny-as-she-thinks-she-is but still
> intruigingly trashy looking Laura Ingraham.)
> --
> Conservative calendar girls
> We've got the perfect holiday gift idea for all the Condi-worshiping,
> feminist-hating, gun-toting females on your list!
>   - - - - - - - - - - - -
> http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2004/12/22/calendar_girls/print.html
> By Rebecca Traister
> Dec. 22, 2004  |   Still looking for last-minute gift ideas? Consider
> the inaugural printing of the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute's
> Great American Conservative Women 2005 wall calendar.
>   Perhaps inspired by last year's Babes Against Bush calendar, the Luce
> Institute decided to print the calendar, according to spokeswoman
> Audrey Mullen, "because they have a lot of really terrific women in
> their speakers' bureau and who support the Policy Institute. They want
> to get the message out there that there are some terrific conservative
> women who are also great role models for young women [and who] are not
> what you see promoted in the media generally."
>   The Luce Institute draws a pretty hard line on the kind of women it
> thinks are "promoted in the media generally." The institute's Web site
> features archived articles that refer to Hillary Rodham Clinton as a
> "Senate diva"; celebrate "Spin Sisters," Myrna Blyth's attack on the
> liberal women's media; and argue that Take Our Daughters and Sons to
> Work Day is a "stealth feminist holiday" that "victimizes sons and
> daughters." There's also a piece about the National Organization for
> Women called "They Should Call it THEN" and a report on Gloria
> Steinem's 2000 wedding to the since deceased David Bale, charitably
> headlined: "A Fish Gets a Bicycle."
>   So you cannot accuse these people of being humorless. Which could
> explain the calendar, which features 12 conservative chicks in full
> Talbots finery. The calendar, which can be purchased through the
> institute's Web site for a $25 donation, is being given away free at
> institute events, to servicemen and women and on college campuses.
> Don't hurt yourself while picturing a photo of Jeanne Kirkpatrick
> hanging on a dorm room wall next to a glossy poster of "O.C."
> heartthrob Benjamin McKenzie.
>   The 2005 calendar year kicks off with an image of Luce herself. The
> journalist, editor, congresswoman from Connecticut and ambassador to
> Italy is quoted as saying, "Do one thing well. You can have it all, but
> you will be very tired." Star Parker, a former welfare mother who,
> according to the calendar, "reformed her life, received a degree in
> marketing, and launched an urban Christian magazine," graces February.
> March belongs to a smiling  Christina Hoff Sommers, author of "Who
> Stole Feminism?" and "The War Against Boys." The calendar quotes her
> embrace of the phallus: "It is unfashionable to say so but I will say
> it anyway: The energy, adventurousness, stoicism, and competitiveness
> of normal, decent males is responsible for much of what is right in the
> world."
>   Ronald Reagan's treasurer Bay Buchanan comes next and says, "I go to
> college campuses. I talk to these young women, as brave a people I've
> ever met, who have spoken out on their college campuses ... They're
> chastised, they're ostracized, they are literally jeered. They go up
> before their student bodies and the feminists show up and are screaming
> at them. This is on these wonderful campuses that are supposed to be
> for freedom of speech."
>   This is Buchanan's entire calendar quotation, taken from a 2001 speech
> at the institute's Conservative Leadership Seminar. This may be just
> the sound of another chastising feminist, but who is she talking about
> here? Who are "these young women" who are getting "literally jeered"?
>   One calendar denizen who has surely been jeered by feminists is May
> dreamboat, radio shrink and famed gay-hater Dr. Laura (Schlesinger).
> She appears, all dimples, with a helmet of straw-colored hair that
> seems to glow seraphically. "I deeply disdain the feminists for what
> they have done to generations of women and to children who pay the
> price of lost, intact, loving stable homes with married committed moms
> and dads," Dr. Laura is quoted as saying. She is surely gratified that
> feminists disdain her right back.
>   June brings us lawyer, columnist, Eagle Forum founder, ERA buzz-kill
> and all-around good-time girl Phyllis Schlafly, who is followed in July
> by thin political pundit Ann Coulter. August's Michelle Malkin, a
> conservative columnist, says, "When liberals won't clam up about their
> sordid sex lives and we object, they call us rude. When liberal women
> raise their voices, they are praised as 'passionate.' When conservative
> women raise their voices, we are condemned as 'shrill.'" Well, if it
> walks like a whistle and talks like a whistle ...
>   Back-to-school September features the country's most powerful black
> woman, Oprah! Kidding. It's Condi. Unfortunately, the calendar must
> have been printed too late to catch her promotion to secretary of
> state, since she is listed as national security advisor. The best part
> of Condoleezza Rice's page is the smaller secondary photo, supplied by
> the White House, showing her with Dick Cheney in the Presidential
> Emergency Operations Center on 9/11, conferring by phone with President
> Bush, presumably from the presidential emergency "Get me the fuck out
> of here" plane.
>   Likable pundit Monica Crowley is next, but she's totally overpowered
> by November's Jeanne Kirkpatrick. A Leavey professor of government at
> Georgetown and senior fellow at the American Enterprise Institute,
> Kirkpatrick was the first woman appointed to serve as a permanent
> representative of the U.S. to the United Nations. She is quoted as
> saying, "People have often said to me, what did I do that was the most
> interesting thing in my life. The answer is having a baby ... Having
> and raising babies is more interesting than making speeches at the
> United Nations. Believe me." Especially the spitting up.
>   Clare Boothe Luce was a journalist, and so it's only fitting that the
> calendar that bears her name have a great kicker. And by God, it does,
> in December, when it features gun rights advocate Shemane Nugent, wife
> of Ted, and coauthor with her husband of a book called "Kill It & Grill
> It." She is quoted as defending the Second Amendment, and the smaller
> picture shows "Ted and Shemane Nugent with their teen son, Rocco, at
> their ranch in Texas." In camos. All holding machine guns.
>   Happy holidays!
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