[FoRK] Fwd: The Truth Behind the Gospels!
fork at bitfurnace.com
Mon Jan 31 17:51:53 PST 2005
by Jason Yungbluth (“Deep Fried Humour”)
I was in a supermarket recently searching for a brown
mustard-and-conditioner in one. It was while I was reading the
ingredient label on a jar of Dry Scalp Formula that I looked to the
children's book rack and there spied the title "My Little Golden Book
Now as anyone knows, my interest in life's headiest metaphysical mystery
has led me on some strange journeys; from the highest mountain peaks of
Peru to snort crystallized alpaca urine with an Incan shaman to the
sewers beneath Istanbul to read 900-year old graffiti scrawled by the
heretical Saint Phoqallyall. Having found no theological resolution in
these rarefied encounters I have left the door open to the chance that
sublime truth may be found where I least expect it.
So it was with genuine anticipation that I opened the book, curious to
know what the people at Little Golden Books believed small children who
stick Beeferoni up their noses could absorb about the Inscrutable One.
You cannot imagine my horror, however, when my eyes met pages filled
with saccharine, pastel artwork depicting cold-eyed androids that were
clearly not of our realm. In a Beautiful Mind moment of schizophrenic
clarity I saw the book for what it was: not a gentle introduction to
life's most profound curiosity, but a primer for the parasitic offspring
of an invisible invasion!
For the safety of our race (if any still remain) I have translated this
book in the hopes that a resistance may arise. Read the baby powder
scented Final Solution of our enemies from beyond, otherwise known as:
The Cuddly Menace
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