[FoRK] Fwd: The Truth Behind the Gospels!

damien morton fork at bitfurnace.com
Mon Jan 31 17:51:53 PST 2005

by Jason Yungbluth (“Deep Fried Humour”)

I was in a supermarket recently searching for a brown 
mustard-and-conditioner in one. It was while I was reading the 
ingredient label on a jar of Dry Scalp Formula that I looked to the 
children's book rack and there spied the title "My Little Golden Book 
About God."

Now as anyone knows, my interest in life's headiest metaphysical mystery 
has led me on some strange journeys; from the highest mountain peaks of 
Peru to snort crystallized alpaca urine with an Incan shaman to the 
sewers beneath Istanbul to read 900-year old graffiti scrawled by the 
heretical Saint Phoqallyall. Having found no theological resolution in 
these rarefied encounters I have left the door open to the chance that 
sublime truth may be found where I least expect it.

So it was with genuine anticipation that I opened the book, curious to 
know what the people at Little Golden Books believed small children who 
stick Beeferoni up their noses could absorb about the Inscrutable One.

You cannot imagine my horror, however, when my eyes met pages filled 
with saccharine, pastel artwork depicting cold-eyed androids that were 
clearly not of our realm. In a Beautiful Mind moment of schizophrenic 
clarity I saw the book for what it was: not a gentle introduction to 
life's most profound curiosity, but a primer for the parasitic offspring 
of an invisible invasion!

For the safety of our race (if any still remain) I have translated this 
book in the hopes that a resistance may arise. Read the baby powder 
scented Final Solution of our enemies from beyond, otherwise known as: 
The Cuddly Menace


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