After I explained what I'd learned about Extreme Programming during my
"investigations" a few months ago (mostly reading web pages on some Wiki out
of curiosity), my boyfriend came up with a new code productivity model. It
should be clear why Wayne's post reminded me of it...
Butthole Programming is an effective, yet simple way to reduce the number of
coding errors. The method is simplicity itself; merely insert right thumb
(left thumb if programmer is left-handed) in one's own butthole. Now
The slower typing speed enforced by keeping one's right thumb up one's own
butthole results in more careful thinking and planning while programming,
which results in fewer errors per day. Or it could simply be that slower
programming results in fewer errors because fewer lines of code are
generated. We don't know. We haven't done any scientific testing of
Butthole Programming. But it could work for you!
Special note for managers! Enforce Butthole Programming on your entire
engineering team, and watch how much more effective your test team
becomes -- you can probably fire a few of them! Also you will be ensured
that any engineer that actually stays on your team after you inflict this
upon them will be your slave for life, obeying without question any
programming model whim or fancy.
PS What the fuck is the book description below talking about when it says
that a practitioner of Anal Constriction can do #### three times without
"drawing out"? I can't make head or tail of it.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Wayne E Baisley [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
> Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2001 12:28 PM
> To: FoRK List
> Subject: How to Good-Bye Depression
> It's interesting that Extreme Programmers buy this book.
> How to Good-Bye Depression : If You Constrict Anus 100 Times
> Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?
> by Hiroyuki Nishigaki
> Our Price: $16.95
> Availability: This title usually ships within 2-3 days.
> Category: Health, Mind & Body
> Paperback - 241 pages (August 2000)
> Writer's Showcase Press; ISBN: 0595094724 ; Dimensions (in inches):
> 0.65 x 9.03 x 6.05
> Amazon.com Sales Rank: 2,646
> Avg. Customer Rating:
> Number of Reviews: 2
> Customers who bought this book also bought:
> The First Quarter : A 25-year History of Video Games by Steven L. Kent
> Extreme Programming Installed (The XP Series) by Ron Jeffries, et al
> The Darwin Awards : Evolution in Action by Wendy Northcutt
> The Beatles Anthology by Paul McCartney, et al
> Editorial Reviews
> Book Description
> I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in
> succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back
> youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known a
> 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has a
> good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is
> full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a
> grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make #### three times
> in succession without drawing out.
> In addition, he also can have burned a strong, beautiful fire within his
> abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his
> immaterial fiber or third attention, which has been confined to his
> stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third
> attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling
> through the success of concentration.
> If you don't know concentration, which gives you peculiar pleasure, your
> life looks like hell.
> All Customer Reviews
> Avg. Customer Rating: 3/5
> 1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
> 2/5 Disappointed in Delaware, March 13, 2001
> Reviewer: Terry Pestolesi (see more about me) from Dover, DE
> As an automobile machanic, excercising my sphincter comes naturally. So,
> when Hiroyuki Nishigaki's book became available in the states, I jumped
> on it. I have to say though, after a thourough read, I still don't quite
> get what I'm supposed to do. I tighten my sphincter. I push out the
> dirty spirits, but I still feel stressed, especially when I have
> deadlines to meet. Who can help me?
> 162 of 167 people found the following review helpful:
> 4/5 I actually bought the damn book, February 21, 2001
> Reviewer: Thierry Nguyen (see more about me) from Berkeley, CA USA
> In a flurry of humor, depression, and morbid curiosity, I actually went
> and bought this damn book. I haven't read it cover to cover, but I've
> digested a good chunk of it. A significant portion of it is dedicated to
> reprinting USENET posts, where Nishigaki posts his ideas to a depression
> newsgroup, and every other poster gets completely and utterly baffled.
> The first few chapters are just this sense of back and forth. Then it
> launches into heavy theory, written in that zesty sense of "Engrish" as
> seen in the description. Its method for combating depression is
> something that I have yet to even consider trying, but as a general
> humor book, this is probably one of the funniest and most bizarre reads
> you'll encounter. I still randomly open to a page, read it, and feel
> better about whatever the heck was bringing me down in the first place.
> Get this book for comedy, not for advice.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Fri Apr 27 2001 - 23:14:19 PDT